It's my second Mother's Day, which is ironic to think that I have a Mother's Day for each child I have. Today when Dad asked me what I wanted to do, I gave him some simple ideas. Clean up the yard, til the garden, just bum at home. I didn't really want to go anywhere or do anything but be with you and watch you grow together. I know that sounds ridiculous. But I feel that there is so much happening that I'm not able to just cherish and savor you. Many people don't know that I'm a savor-er. I plan my last bite of each meal so I can savor and enjoy a specific taste. I save things for special moments whether it be food, special paper/notebooks, outfits, makeup, etc. I will take 2 bites of a minicup cake versus one gulp. I try to have the special things in life last as long as possible. Maybe it's because the really good things don't come around everyday, maybe it's because I want to remember things as long as possible - so if there's a process that makes it easier, I'm not sure what the reason is. But on Mother's Day, I wanted to savor you both. I wanted to just sit and watch you play and be near you as you grow right underneath my view. I didn't want to rush through meals, rush through to cleaning house, or rush to something else... I wanted to be the mom that I'm not always able to be.
So there I sat, in the hammock that Eleanor had received for her birthday... with both of you.. swaying in the breeze -watching you smile or giggle or your eyes heavy with relaxation, just the three of us, under the blooms of our trees and for that moments - I was the mother I keep trying to be for you.I love you both with all my will and I will keep trying to stop to create those moments.
Love Mama
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