Retrospection (re truH-spek shun)

The past couple weeks have been a blur. Well, a blur of three hour sections. I was going to try and break things up and report back as best as possible but I just had a baby and I think the world will forgive me for being a bad blogger. This parenting thing started off with an amazing emotional explosion of bliss. Here's a little breakdown of how things rolled out....

Week 1: There was an elation about being done with the pregnancy and seeing her and enjoying her and being able to hold her. Sure I was sore, sure I was taking enough steroids to down a horse to get rid of the pups, but I was completely elated in life with my amazing husband and my beautiful daughter. I'd find myself with the weepies when I thought about just how fabulous everything was. We had a nice system down (unrealistic to continue when Matt went back to work full time but nice). At night, when she'd want to feed - I'd wake Matt, he'd go get her and bring her to bed, we'd nurse, I'd wake Matt when she was finished and he'd take her back. We'd repeat this every 3 hours. We'd sleep in late. I also lost 40 pounds that first week - I'd love that to happen anytime.

ALR: Let's get you back to you crib, Len. I think we need to check what's in your diaper though.
MJR: I bet it's buttchecks.

Week 2: This was when reality begins to set in. I'm realizing I'm tethered to the house to a certain

degree. I am unable to lift anything past 10 pounds. Well, when your baby is born at 9 pounds, 6 oz - that really limits it to pretty much her. Meaning, I can't put her in the car seat and go as easily as I planned. Even if I wanted to go I was somewhat stuck as she's consistently wanting to eat every three hours. Even if I could go and could get my timing right, I looked like a trainwreck! Showering suddenly had become a bit of a luxury and dry shampoo was my new best friend. Matt had returned to work fulltime and while an amazing help when he got home with meal prep, cleaning, and continuing to get things done outside, I had amazing guilt about him staying up with her when she got fussy at night and wouldn't go down well. I could sleep in more and nap in the afternoon, but someone had to pay the bills! We also hit a major accomplishment of returning back to our birth weight according to the WellBaby scales. This made me VERY happy because I had fears about her not getting enough milk and starving to death.

MJR: Can you imagine if we had twins?
ALR: Oh. my. gawd. The whole idea makes me exhausted.
MJR: I know I said I wanted them when we started but I'm really glad we just have her.
ALR: All the diapers and the feedings.

We also got her newborn photo session taken care of. I will admit, she was very good, especially the first half. She worked with the outfits and the poses and while I would have been good with her crashing into sleep, she was awake and content. She didn't end as strong but it's hard to be the center of attention when you are that little. I can't wait to see what Jess got - We've had her do many of our shoots including an engagement shoot, Matt's professional head shots, our 1st year anniversary shots, our maternity shots, and now Len's first year sessions.

Week 3: I come to the realization that I don't sleep anymore. I nap. I take 2 hours naps at night and when I can sneak them into the day. I also wonder how single moms do it, I wonder how people get stuff done, I wonder how people function when they have multiple kids. The house is staying decent but I feel like I am not getting anything accomplished during the day. Matt and I have the same conversation to reassure me that this is okay.

ALR: I didn't get what I wanted done today.
MJR: Is our daughter fed and taken care of?
ALR: Yes, I suppose so.
MJR: That's your job and she looks beautiful - you are doing great.
ALR: Thanks, I think I needed to hear that.

We went to another WellBaby appointment and she's just shy of 10 pounds so they are very happy with her gain - which makes me so happy. A couple days after Wellbaby, her belly button finally fell off too! We've been waiting for that for awhile.

MJR comes downstairs after changing a diaper.
MJR: Hold out your hand.
ALR holds out hand: Ahhh man, you better not put poop in it.
MJR places belly button in hand.
ALR: YEAH!!!
ALR suddenly realizes they are "those people"

We may be falling into a bit of routine. I'm not sure if we can call it that. I'm healing well from the c-section. Some things are still a bit hard and find myself getting up or leaning forward with more consciousness but the incision looks good and I'm continuing to do a bit more, walk more, and I'm anxious for the weight restrictions to be lifted.

ALR sees teenagers across the way on the walking path.
ALR: Look at those teenage boys.
MJR looks over.
ALR: Look how dumb they look with their shirts around their necks like that! Is that how the kids are wearing them now?
MJR stares at ALR
ALR suddenly horrified: Oh My GOsH! I am a middle aged mom!

In the meantime the world continues to happen despite me noticing. Matt had a huge week when Trump made a trip to North Dakota by way of the Bismarck Airport. He worked with the Secret Service and it was amazing to see the coverage and hear the details of the short visit of this presidential hopeful. Matt would have gotten a tour of the plane; however, Trump was named the official GOP candidate that day and this limited the amount of access to him and his plane.

We've also done a bit with the garden. We finally got all the potted veggies in. Mom gave us a few and we picked up a few. Eleanor wasn't much help in putting them in this year but she's wasn't too much of a hindrance either... so that's a win. We did have some time where she wanted to be rocked while we were doing it so I rocked and supervised my staff! Matt has also taken on the role of official tree trimmer at our house. We have been wanting to clean up our bigger backyard trees for some time and after getting a few quotes, realized that we may be in the wrong business! He took it upon himself and trimmed up some problem limbs we have.

I also had one of two baby showers. Gerry Ann put on a Baldwin neighborhood shower and invited some of the girls from the Baldwin Birthday club. It was fun to see them, hear the advice that they gave (seasoned pros may be an understatement), show off Len - who charmed them all with her disposition and good looks, and get out for the night. It was a wonderful evening which started as a wonderful day because Mom came down and spent time helping me catch up around the house and also a little time with Len.

Matt has also had a few faux camping experiences. We've gone up to see Randy and Michele at the camper and they've got to get out on the water a bit and Matt even managed to catch a few fish. Makes me glad to see him enjoying himself - we have plans to get out and camp a bit, our first trip out may be the fourth of July. By that time, I'll be more of help in getting the camper ready!

Best meal: What's been amazing is the meals that our mothers have made in advance for us. There have been some nights where Len doesn't want to sleep like an angel, leaving me playing catch up the next day. Those meals come in really handy those days as I don't have the mind space to meal plan and I know Matt will want to eat! Plus they always have enough for left overs the next day for lunch for us too! Makes me so blessed to have these women in our lives willing to help out.

ALR: Honey, can you go change her diaper and bring her?
MJR gets out of bed.
Five minutes later over the intercom
MJR: ugh.
MJR: Ahhh, quit rolling in it.
three minutes later, MJR walks in with EER who is only in a diaper. Hands over EER to ALR and walks out.
ALR hears noises coming from nursery and seconds later hears washing machine going.
MJR reappears and climbs back into bed.
ALR: Soooooo?
MJR: I don't want to talk about it.

Habitue (huh bich oo EY)

Len had quite a few visitors within her first week or so.
In the hospital, over the first day, she saw all of her grandparents, her in-state great grandparents and her Godmother/Auntie.

Other visitors during her first few days included her great aunts (we didn't get of pic of her with Great Aunt Grace.

Great Aunt Judy made an appearance the best way she could from PA. She was Len's first mail.

Her first home visitors were her other Godmother Shantelle and Rick.

She was also checked in on by Matt's best friend and family-Brendan, Claudia, and Jackson Dean, and her Great Great Aunt Janice.

Feline (fee line)

It's safe to say, not only did our lives change forever in the most wonderful, scary, dramatic way.... the cats' lives changed too. I think they've bee aware of the changes as they've been happening. TonyDanza has been jumping up on a smaller and smaller lap each day, they've watched the nursery come together. We've let them explore it a bit but we've also kicked them out of the room a time or two. They've seen other children and didn't seem to care too much, or just left the room, which is why we were surprised with how they handled when Len came through the door.

TonyDanza wasn't having it. He was standoffish and hung back. It almost was like I abandoned him. He could have cared less about Tiffy's Lily when they visited about a month ago, but Len was definitely different.

Lola, our couldn't-care-less cat, spotted her in the car seat. Immediately puffed her tail up and wanted a closer look.

Both cats had moments where they got close but not too close.

MJR: TonyDanza that's Eleanor.
ALR: I don't think he's okay.
MJR: He'll get used to her.
ALR pets him.
ALR: Why do you think they are treating her different than the other kids that have been at the house? Do you think they figured it out what was happening with my stomach?

Homecoming (hohm- kuhm ing)

It's amazing how things can change so quickly.... one day I'm toting around a watermelon, the next I'm staring at the most beautiful face in the world. The thing is everyone tells you these these and you brush off the cliches and sayings until you are sitting there with your little family, completely in awe of what's happening.

Enough with all the gooey feelings - I'm obviously still a little emotional about the whole event. The hospital stay was quick - we were so blessed to have an amazing team of support to help with the questions, the nights, the struggles of the unknown, and my PUPP rash which started before she was born and still is a battling in my life. It went from the back of my neck hairline to my palms of my hands to the soles of my feet and between my toes. The swelling, burning, itchy was so intense. I did comment to Matt that maybe it's a good thing that I have it, otherwise life would be too perfect. In all seriousness, that was the biggest problem with our stay as we were constantly putting ice packs and dealing with the itch.

It was pretty easy to brush off when I looked at Len and what we had. We had so many visitors!! It was great to show her off. She saw both of her grandparents right away, her aunt, as well as some more distant relatives including all of my grandparents, all of my maternal aunts, a friend (Brandi), and we enjoyed all the well wishes, the phone calls, and texts from those that celebrated our news! Matt stayed with me the entire time in the hospital. While the couch didn't look too comfortable, he really made the best of it. He changed the first diapers - which was a treat to watch. I soaked it all in. Sure, there were times when we did look at each other at times and go... were we ready? But I wouldn't have wanted to look at anybody else to answer that question.

Saturday, we went home... our little family of three. The hard part wasn't so much getting her out the door but putting clothes on her. Matt actually broke a sweat getting the outfit on. I brought two outfits to the hospital... the one I had picked out long ago she'd already outgrown so we had to go with plan B outfit.

We were discharged, loaded up, and sent on our way. I think we were all in a little shock. It wasn't a long ride but one that had Matt avoiding potholes and taking corners slower than previously. Grandma Michele had prepped the outside of the house proper for her arrival. It was cute to see the balloons and welcome sign! She had stayed at our house for a couple days and it was so nice for Matt to have a support as well as her to take care of the cats.

Best meal: We had a couple meals in the hospital together. One, we actually got to sit down at the table together... Matt had a french dip with cottage cheese fruit plate and a coke, I had a cheese pizza with cottage cheese and yogurt with lemonade.

Second night in the hospital, approx 4am
MJR stirs.
ALR wakes up.
MJR stands above bassinet.
ALR watches, waiting.
MJR says to EER: Good, you are still alive.
MJR goes back to sleep.

Letter to my baby's daddy

To the father of my daughter -

Thank you-
We made it through the 9 months of pregnancy. Yes, there were meltdowns. Yes, we had happiness.

Yes, we had questions. Yes, there was snoring. Yes, there were anger. Yes, I developed these urges where I thought you should just shut up if you knew what was good for you....but we made it. I have a feeling it was just the training wheels for this whole parenting thing but my favorite thing through it was us. That we had each other and that we continue to make each other a priority. This has been a constant theme in our relationship and I want it in writing to remind us to keep it that way.

I do love us and I understand your fear of losing the special things that make us, us. I see parenting as a further solidification of us. We've covered some heavy topics over the past couple months and these conversations have put so much of me at ease because it's a constant reminder that we have each other. I am constantly in awe of the things that you do for me - the little things that let me know you are thinking of me, you accept me, and you love me. You truly are my partner - which is far beyond what the average husband provides his wife.

Thank you for your patience, your words, your honesty, your backing, your listening, your suggestions, and your occasional pick me up when I was stuck on the couch or floor. I'm excited to continue this journey with you... not sure where we are going, what the heck we are doing but the glorious trainwreck of our parenting will be something we do together.

Love - wifey

Letter to the First

Dear Eleanor –

We have been waiting for you for so long. Seems way longer than 9 months to be honest. I’m so

curious to meet you and get to know your quirks and personality. I’m curious if you’ll have more Moser looks or Remynse features. I’m curious if you will be artsy like me or facts and figures like your dad. I’m the most curious to watch you and your dad get to know each other. I hope that you give him a bit of break as he’s not had much experience with little girls and may not always provide the appropriate response. It’ll be okay, you’ll get used to him.

While on the subject of your father, he’s the one that selected your name. He’s the one that adamantly fought for it. I had another picked out but we came to an agreement - we also easily agreed on your nickname. I’m just glad he didn’t dig his heels in for Harriet. Your middle name is a tribute to my Great Aunt Janice – my grandfather Merle’s younger sister. Her middle name is the exact same as yours. I hope you will remember her as you grow older.

I have such high hopes for you. I feel so much pressure to raise you to value happiness, self-worth, and respect. I’m hoping that you will grow up in a house that will nurture your ambition and teach you that gender roles are fluid. Your grandmother once told me that there are no such thing as girl toys and boy toys. That statement has shaped much of my life and I hope that those words and the examples of both of your grandmothers (and great grandmothers) pave the way for you as you find your path in the world.

Aside from independence and strength, we also hope to pass onto you our love of food, travel, adventure, as well as share our roots (ND, Air Force, and Ag values) and the importance of family.

There are times when I’m sure we will fail miserably or make the wrong decision. I’m sure there will be yelling or crying or both from you or me (not crying from your father – let’s be real). We want to let you fail so you can pick yourself up, just as our parents did for us. We will do our best to find the balance between coddling and protection from the harsh world. I hope we don’t get lax and lazy as we anticipate your spirit to be strong. And someday, I hope you can look back and realize how hard we tried and how much we love you.

Your mother

Guest Blogger: Welcome to the World, EER.

Guest blogger: MJR
Why blog when I could just look at her?
Anyway,
Today was the day of days...today was the day we were finally going to have a child. Neither one of us had to be up until 530, but we both were up before then. I was up at 5:00. Due to the fact that her arrival was a scheduled C-section (because of her impending size and her inability to drop), we didn't need to be to the hospital until 6:30. We each got ready for the day, the last time as non-parents. Amanda had it a little different, no makeup. I stopped at Burger King for breakfast (Amanda wasn't able to eat) and we headed to the hospital.

Upon arrival at 620, we checked into labor and delivery. The nurses were nice, we received directions on what to prep for, what to do, and what to wear. We sat for an hour and half while we waited. We watched Animal Planet on TV until 745 but there was some hiccups as there was problems with getting Amanda onto an IV - her rash was preventing this to be an easy process and required extra attention. This ended up pushing back our times.

After we were set up there, I changed into my scrubs, party hat, and booties. Wasn't too long after

that I escorted Amanda into the edge of the operating area. I wasn't able to enter while they gave Amanda the epidural and prepped her onto the table. She said it wasn't as bad as she expected to get the needle and they put her onto the table, strapping her arms down and setting up the blue sheet. When I was able to enter, which I occupied by watching sports center, they brought me into the room and showed my designated area where I was to hold Amanda's hand. I must admit this was my first time in the operating room, it was very bright and cool. The staff finished up with a "timeout".

Dr 1: Timeout.
Dr: We have Amanda Remynse here 32 year old patient, here for a cesarean section. Allergies are penicillin and sulfa, does all concur.
Unison: yes.

From there we watched a countdown for Amanda's drugs to take effect, showing that she was numb. After that completed, I was not allowed to go past the curtain. The doctors kept asking Amanda if she could feel things, which she responded "no." It was all going. I didn't know what was going on... a couple minutes into it, one of the doctors said "Woah! That's a lot of water!" Which gave the cue that she was coming. I was told to prepare... pulled out my camera and I heard it...

9:12: Baby lightly: wahhhhh.

As I took the picture, I showed Amanda...Dr. Bury also held her above the screen for Amanda to see her - bringing tears to her eyes.
Dr Bury: We've got a little red head!
ALR looks at MJR, MJR looks at ALR.
Dr. Bury: Oh, she's a BIG Baby!

They cut the cord in the sterile area, I told Amanda how beautiful she looked. They took her over to the NICU nurse and they began to rub the baby down going from shades of purple to pink. She softly cried, giving a good APAGAR score. Once the nurse was comfortable, I was able to cut the final cord. It was pretty cool, much larger and bloodier than I expected.

Nurse: 9 pounds 6 ozs.
Dr. Bury: Oh, we made the right decision! And she's soo long.
Nurse: 23 inches.

I was watching both between Amanda and the baby, I did give Amanda a thumbs up to let her know how good the baby was doing to eliminate the fluids from her body. I was finally able to hold her near Amanda, giving her a clean shot of our baby girl. This gave time to finish up Amanda's incision. There was concern about the baby's sugars and the nurses asked our permission to give her a supplement to get her going. You could hear the sucking happening through the room as she had her first meal.

Dr. Bury: Amanda, do we have a name?
ALR: Eleanor Eileene

They wheeled us into recovery, where we had an hour and half of family time to be together. I also sent out some beginning texts to let people know she had finally arrived. We didn't give out the name though, we wanted the grandparents to hear it first. We also worked together to get her to nurse. I did go out to let my mom and dad and called Diana and Perry to let them know we would be moving into our own room.

12:00: as the nurse pushed ALR and MJR pushed Eleanor to our room
Nurse: This is your lullaby. (softly playing over the intercom announcing her birth)

What a blur after that. Grandma and Grandpa Remynse came in and introduced. They were allowed to stay for half an hour before nurses came to go over things with both Amanda and baby. Grandma and Grandpa Moser came soon as well, in time to meet baby and check on Amanda. Both held her and while Grandpa came, Aunt Alaina came in full of tears and emotion. She reminded Amanda of how Alaina was at the wedding. She took Eleanor from Grandpa.

Throughout the day, we relaxed and got acquainted. Other visitors for the day were Great Grandma Dar, Great Grandma Elaine and Great Grandpa LaVerne. We got flowers from Great Aunt Judy as well as plant from Grandma Di - who gave them in the same plant holder that Amanda received flowers in when she was born. Aunt Alaina brought a balloon bouquet.

Through out the day I made phone calls and texts announcing her name, weight, and length. At about 8:00 that night, we were just the three of us. At that same time, EER had her first diaper filling. Unfortunately, I wasn't up to the task and had to get assistance and education from a nurse. This meconium was disgusting. I was quickly educated on the changing and swaddling of the baby. The nurses had much better burritos than I did. Eleanor had a peaceful night... too peaceful, I had to do a couple life checks, amusing Amanda. That was the first day.... 5:00am to midnight.

Best meal: Mom and Dad brought me two Jimmy John sandwiches. Amanda's first meal was a banana popsicle and an applesauce.

MJR gives thumbs up: She's beautiful.
ALR begins to tear up.
Anesthesiologist assistant dabs ALR's eyes. 

Primigravida (prime uh ɡrav E da)

First Trimester

Second Trimester

     

Third Trimester