2020 - the year that made time stand still

 As I drove home from Wes and Kristi's house, Matt and the littles and I looked at the Capitol. There the numbers were bright as day, 2 - 0 - 2 - 1. Staring at us. I looked over and said, Happy New Year. He laughed and said, don't you think it's going to be more of the same? I keep playing that question over in my mind because 2020 taught me one thing - things can change fast and sudden. Last year, January and February were consistent - predictable and plannable. We went places, we had weekends of activities, I had a hard time keeping track of the moving parts. Ainsley had a birthday party. March changed everything. I know this isn't a weird and rare story - this looks the same for many people. Suddenly worlds were turned upside down and the non-routine became the routine. Weekends opened up. People introverted in because necessity. Now take this situation where there is no norm and add the social issues that suddenly boiled beyond control and then let's turn up the heat on an election where it the absolute worst in people were brought out. There was no moderation - there was only extreme opinions and polarization. No one could have predicted the actions that resulted in 2020. 

2010 Me:

2020 Me:

At the end of last year, I asked myself some questions.... let's see where they landed and did I even ask the right ones.

Is Amanda actually sleeping through the night?
No - there are some nights were things are great. There are good stretches but Ainsley may be the worst sleeper we have and just when she's good, G wakes up crying or asking for a hug or a drink. E is the best sleeper. It's rare to see her past 10 PM and before 7 AM. I will say the best and worst fights happen between Matt and I occur between 2 AM and 6:15 AM!

What trips have we taken/where have we gone?
In the year of our first pandemic, that's laughable. Don't get me wrong, Matt and I have had a few travels - and we didn't really expect many with the kids being so little but I think we had some mental day trips worked through in our minds. Matt and I went to Minneapolis together for his accreditation, also to Vegas for a Kevie and Shannon getaway weekend and then we had a Fargo trip. The kids haven't really gone any where aside from Grandmas' houses. 

What is Eleanor doing?
The girl is crafting, cutting, gluing, drawing. She likes skirts and stories. She's learning and soaking it all in. She loves dressing up in play clothes, watching Disney movies, and having adventures. The girl has a memory and is as loyal as her father. She may be slow to warm up or leery to open to quickly but once you break down a wall or she opens the door to her heart - there's no turning back. The highs are high with this one but the feels are real. 

What is Grady doing?
He is all boy. He's handsome and tumblesome and he's got a belly laugh that goes deep into your own gut. He smells and is dirty and he's quick to hug, kiss, and tell you that he loves you. Napping with him is my favorite weekend activity. He's very into trucks, tractors, construction and excavators. He's the best car rider and takes it all in as he can. Both he and Eleanor are into the helping stage - they fight who can do it and how they can help and are already in a hurry to grow up. 

Is Ainsley talking yet and what is she saying?
The girl is starting to gabber. She has some words clear as day - Momma, Daddy and now she says her siblings' name with such conviction. It's one of my favorite things that she says. She has certain things that we know what they are - book and water - those aren't totally clear like baby, puppy, quack quack, night night. She also came out with Elsa the other day, which is probably totally the credit of her sister. She knows her mind, that girl, and will start asking for her turn or no, no - it makes me proud that she knows her mind but also scares the crap out of me as that girl and I will go round!

Are we in Bismarck?
Yes.

What are we celebrating?
Hmmm... right now both having our health, our jobs, and our families. Things haven't been easy this past year and there's been a lot of tough conversations. I had to plan a 4 year old drive by birthday party. That's not something that I would have ever dreamed it was one of the hardest things I've done and my daughter loved it. She talked about it for the rest of the year. We are getting close to paying off some debt that's been looming above us. I got a bonus and will be doing some house updates. We are celebrating Matt's accreditation because that was definitely a high point for our year. 

Is Grady potty trained?
We are practically there. We are wearing undies - and he and I are both proud of that fact. We have had a few accidents but we may have turned around a corner and making progress. He likes the independence and I like not changing poopy diapers. We had to go all the way up to size 7 diapers and I had near about given up hope. Ains is also in pull ups - they are teeny tiny, special ordered but I think it may be a light at the end of the tunnel. 

What is Eleanor drawing?
E is in a montessori school and they make journals and I love them. The pictures are great and she tells a story - mama octopus in her baby, a rainbow snow thrower, bats, waterfalls. I love watching her mind bloom. 

Have we painted some walls in the house?
Well - kinda. We got a full room done. And then a couple walls and a spot or two. We aren't close but we also got the front door painted to match the shingles that went up while I was working from home. By the way, the kids fell in love with the idea of roofers and watching them work - almost mystified by them. 

What are we sorrowing on?
It's been about one year since I've been close to my Grandma Dar. We said goodbye to my grandfather before he was checked into a nursing home. We saw my Grandma Elaine a few times but enough to see a change in her as well. Old age isn't for the faint of heart and it's incredibly hard to watch those that seemed so mighty, that shaped the path you are on fall. We are sad that we've missed some big family memories but have stood by the solitude in the short run for the best for all - not exactly popular in North Dakota. The virus has changed our whole world, almost overnight. Through the majority of the year, I've watched the numbers on a daily basis. First, it was the positive cases, and then it was the positivity percentile, and then it was the deaths, and now it's the hospitalization. That's been the judge to me where our state is. I'm sorrowing on the divide that has happened to the nation due to the polarization that has occurred - Biden/Trump, Mask/Non, Vac/NonVac, BLM/"People" lives matter, pro-police/defund. There seems to be no middle ground and it seems that if you don't agree with someone all the way, you are against them. It's a scary time to define your opinion right now let alone raise children. 

When were we most busy?
HA! This is funny. When I was most busy this year is also when we were most locked down. I was pulling 10 hour days during the onset of the pandemic. I actually developed a twitch in my eye but yet now as I look back it feels different. The days were long and went quick and I sat working from my kitchen table. The kids became used to the two screens propped up on Fancy Nancy books. One day I took something down or put something away and they seemed confused. Things did settle down after that. I made sure of it. Daycare struggled with the regulations and restrictions and shut down for Fridays. The airport world shattered in a quick and fast gutted way. I look back and it's foggy in my mind. It was easy to focus on small things - toilet paper, food, diapers, wipes, hanitzer - what E calls hand sanitizer, coin shortage... things that seemed to swap the country. We were busy but we were stalled out. It is a weird feeling looking back. 

What advice do I have for the coming year?
Sway. It's the first thing that comes to mind. It's not the same as flexible - they are similar. Be willing to bend or adjust but realize that there are outside forces that are shifting you and that some give is required. It doesn't always need to be proactive and reactive is okay but it also implies a calmness. That's what I need. A calming reaction to a year of chaos. 

What do I wish we would have done differently?
It's hard to say - there are times when I wish I would have worded things different. I wish I wouldn't disappoint people. I wish I wouldn't crawl up inside my own head. I wish I could be softer. There are times when my personality doesn't seem to allow these things. I wish we could have done more things - parks with the kids, touch a truck, fairs or outings or even the trampoline park. But I don't regret not going. We managed to make it through 2020 without contracting COVID19 and managed to know very few people who lost their lives from it. We are incredibly lucky. I don't know what this virus will do to people in the future and what the future means with this virus. I hope the vaccine comes surely and swiftly. 

So many questions and the answers here got thick and deep, quick - but that's how 2020 rolled. Thick and deep and impactful. I had high hopes for the year but instead this year changed the course of history and now 2021 is a "rebuilding" year. 

My questions for 2021. What are we doing - the 5 of us? What is the virus doing? I am hopeful there can be some political building/compromise of our nation - is this happening, what is the state of our nation and society? How are the older doing in school settings? How is Ains growing? What was our deepest hit? What was our proudest accomplishment for the year? 

To my beautiful children - thank you for the ride of this past year. You continued on not understanding the landmines that we treaded on a daily basis - we talked about the bad germs and giving people their space. Whenever you could, we wrapped our arms around each other and held on. You for your reasons but you may not have noticed that I held on too - for my own life. You made me realize more than ever how important it is for you to see the world as this great big place - where all voices and sorts need to work together. It is my goal to show you that... I admit I don't know how - I'm working on it. Ask me in 10 years how I did.

Here were the first memories/pictures I have from 2020.

It's amazing how much can change in a year! The best is yet to come, right?!

That time I turned 37

This past weekend, I celebrated 37 years. I also came to an important realization. I used to think I was the ugly duckling, then even a caterpillar, but now I don’t know what to compare myself to. But as I was contemplating my eldest self to-date I thought of one of our trips to the river – the five of us built a reservoir (their dad’s idea) and then we started a river to release the water back to the Missouri. The kids watched the water start from the top and cut the path as it headed down. My dad has said something once that for some reason stuck with me, “water is lazy, it will always go where it’s easy.” We kept up with the reservoir and the water kept cutting the path – deteriorating the sides, becoming deeper, shifting to turn a bit, suddenly creating a tributary, but always going down. At one point the kids had moved on to something else and I looked at that shell that remained from the original reservoir to the dam space to the channel that had become. That’s how I feel, I’m not the water – I’m the channel. Shifting and settling and sometimes the water is coming down hard and fast and sometimes it’s a trickle. I know I’m not the same person I was five years ago and that person is not the same 10 years ago, or fifteen, twenty, and so on. I have continued to change and I anticipate the change will continue as I know I’m not the person I want to be yet.

When you are a kid – you talk about when you are a grown-up and all the things you are going to do and be. When you are a teen you want to be a grown-up. When you are a twenty-some you revel in the invincibility of your life and I wanted to be married, have a career, and a family. In my thirties, I have all those things. There are days I’d like to be a teen, to be a twenty-something with little responsibility but mostly I want to be comfortable with myself and abilities. I feel like there are days when I’m trying too hard and days where I’m not trying hard enough. I am tired – I want to sleep through the night and sleep until 8:30 on the weekend. It’s funny wishing for those things – self-confidence, knowing your own mind, being okay with the world around you, and sleeping in. E and I are working on feeling identification and I find it rather appropriate as I contemplate my own. Maybe I feel cloudy because of the state of affairs this world is in – maybe it’s where I am at in my life but I think the water is going to come hard and fast for a bit – reshaping the landscape. To the future me that reads this… reality check – right now, have you been shaped by the correct landscape and elements? Are you on your right path? Are you providing the examples that you need to for your family?

It was a chill weekend. We did some of my favorite things – we took a walk at the capitol. Matt made some great food – pizza, breakfast chorizo burritos, seafood chowder. The kids picked apples. We attempted to go to the park, we headed to the farm – mom made potato soup, we attempted to nap and play games. I had a donut cake – which the kids thought was fun. I stayed home the next day – took time for me and did things around the house – laundry, washing the floor, vacuuming, bedding, etc. I didn’t talk to a soul, I didn’t make any calls, I sat with my thoughts – funny how things change as you get older and how you appreciate the quiet. I am so lucky to have so many people in my life who care, who think of me, and the family that makes me pictures, that cheers when I wake up, that hug me… I am so lucky to be where I had hoped I'd be and I appreciate those that helped me get here.

2019Q&A, New Year, New Decade

This isn't just the start of a new year, it's the start of a new decade. Matt looked at me the other day and listed off all the things we've accomplished in the past decade.

• Started dating
• Got engaged
• Planned a wedding
• Got married
• Bought 3 houses
• Moved 5 times (give or take) including 3 of those moves being over 100 miles
• Had 3 kids
• Traveled to 5 countries and 27 states
• Had 7 jobs between the two of us (5+2)

It's not a small list and my life has completely changed. Some days I'm not sure if I recognize myself 

2009

2019 

(I don't really have pics of just me!)

I even look back on my 2018 questions.

How's work going? Where are we working?

Really well - I'm in a great spot. I love what I'm doing and the work I'm pouring myself into at the ND State Chamber. It was hard to leave state government but it's been a good move for me. Matt has been with the city for over 5 years now and has fallen in the routine and may be looking for more challenges but the time and experience is giving him time to seek his accreditation. I was so proud of him for getting his paper published among his peers this year, something he's been working on for over 2 years. 

What is Eleanor into?

I was surprised when she asked Santa for Polly Pocket this year as it wasn't on my radar. But was excited to get it. She loves art, coloring, painting, projects, paper. She's still into Peppa but I see that fading a bit as she is interested in dolls and barbies.

What is Grady saying?

His vocab is coming along.. he makes me laugh. There was a lot of "gosh dangit" all summer but now it's "Oh my Gawd/Gosh" He's pretty easy going but if you push him too far gets crabby. His new thing now is "no" and then when you get after him he'll "raspberry" at you. Talk about boiling my blood. 

What is the new baby's name?

Ainsley Ruth. Or as she's been called Angry Roof or Ainsey. Matt and I were set on Ainsley ever since we selected Eleanor's name. 

How do the siblings get along?

Although they hate when Ainsey gets in their stuff, they get along so well. Grady loves to say Hi and Bye to her and Eleanor loves her and coos about her so much. We have to get after her for picking her up and over mothering her but it's like they knew from the beginning that they belong together.

How has the family changed?

Someone is always crying. Someone is always tired. We are all very loved. We work on identifing feelings - frustrated, happy, mad, sad, appreciation - some days are easy and we all get along and then the next thing you know Eleanor bops Grady on the head with a book, Grady pulls Eleanor's hair and throws his tractor at her. There is nothing consistent about this circus.

What are we celebrating?

Matt's success with his paper and working on the next step of the process. Eleanor's artwork and singing, Grady driving cars, throwing/kicking balls, Ainsley's clapping. Clean plates, made beds (E is an amazing bed maker - she does have 15 layers or so she piles up but they look dang nice), and nice hugs.

What are we sorrowing on?

I miss Janice - I think of her almost every day, especially during the holidays. We are seeing our grandparents age and it makes us worried for our parents. But all in all - we are very lucky. We may have a bit of sorrow when it comes to paying for daycare but we understand it's part of the game right now in life.

Where have we been?

Matt traveled to Nashville for work and he and I went with Wes and Kristi for an adult weekend but that's really as far as we traveled this year. Right now it's hard to travel - maybe next year will be better? 

What does 3 kids actually look like?

A total schitshow. It's wonderful but a total mess. 

Is Matt going for his masters?

Kinda - the accreditation is similar BUT it's not formal classes - right now is not a good time for us to pursue that.

What hobby is Matt driving Amanda crazy with?

Hunting - so much hunting shows and hunting books and hunting gear. Ugh. I think I preferred the golf craze. 

Is Amanda actually sleeping through the night? 

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA. no. 

SO here's my 2019 questions for 2020.

Is Amanda actually sleeping through the night? What trips have we taken/where have we gone? What is Eleanor doing? What is Grady doing? Is Ainsley talking yet and what is she saying? Are we in Bismarck? What are we celebrating? Is Grady potty trained - I'd celebrate that! What is Eleanor drawing? Have we painted some walls at the house? What are sorrowing on? When were we most busy? What advice do I have for the coming year? What do I wish we would have done differently?

And for the end of the decade - 

where are you? what are you doing? are you happy? what are the kids doing - they will be 13, 12, and 9)? What is Matt doing that is driving Amanda crazy? Where have we traveled?

Here are the first pictures of the kids in 2019.

For our house to yours... enjoy the next 366 days (yes, it's a leap year) as the days may be long but the years are so short. 

Happy Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and Happy Holidays to you and yours.

So here's the Holiday Rundown....

Ainsley: This little bird was born at the end of February in the middle of a below 0 cold spell. Although it took nine months to double her birthday and she's still the size of a paper weight. Over the past couple months, she'll yell and babble and crawl and she never loses sight of her siblings. In fact, in her usual spot - the high chair, she's usually got her neck craned around and all you see is nose and eyes. Her sibling dote on her and are her best cheerleaders that is, until she starts pawing at their stuff.

Grady: My little boy isn't so little. In fact, it's hard to believe that he was my smallest baby as he's sure to catch up to his sister in size, he's pretty already caught her in weight. He's a gentle soul that has a temper when pushed too far but he listens or does whatever he thinks his sisters want. Over the past year, he's really worked on his words and his sentences really come along. We probably understand 85% of what he says, pretty easily. One of my favorite things is listening to him and Eleanor's little conversations. Sometimes it's a squabble more than a talk but it does make me chuckle. Another of my favorites is his belly laugh - Grady will get to laughing and it takes over a whole room.

Eleanor: Oh, this girl may be too smart for her own good. She's in the preschool room at daycare and her thirst for knowledge and learning blows me away. She knows her letters and knowing her numbers. She sees things and makes conclusions. Her intelligence and tenacity will take her far. She's really grown up over the past year - her hobbies continue to be book reading but she's added other creative outlets such as painting, coloring, markers, cutting, gluing, and anything artsy.

Matt: He ensured the runway project was finished at work - which has lasted three years. He got his mule deer, which was 6 years in the waiting. He was pretty happy that he got the boat out this year and managed to take the kids fishing. He made a trip to Nashville for work and together he and I went to Minneapolis for fun.

Myself: I had a few big changes too, final pregnancy and birth but I also changed jobs midway through the year. I left state government for private sector and it's been a great move. I've enjoyed the change, the pace, the coworkers, and the work.

It's been a blur of a year - one that passes in late nights and early morning but those little smiles do so many things for me. They make me laugh, warm my heart, and make me realize how lucky I am.

I will admit I'm about 9 million thank you notes behind, probably owe people a phone call or two, heavens knows we don't visit enough family or friends, but someday we will catch up - and until we do, thank you for the understanding!

10 years, Organization, Chewy

This is a big post.

This is my 10th year anniversary with the blog. Nothing I have aside from select relationships have last as long as the blog. I've had 29,425 page views from across the world - US, France, Russia, Ukraine. The blog has seen some highs including the birth of my children and my wedding day to some personal lows. However, even during these lows, I have not abandoned this ongoing verbal dump of my mind. When people ask what I blog about... I always feel a little sheepish, when I admit my life. It's not wild or exciting or grand, in fact it's a bit dull and mundane. Sometimes the biggest happening of the week is the trip to Sam's Club. However, the reason I blog may be a bigger piece to the puzzle. I'm an incredibly sentimental and nostalgic person and I want to provide a piece of me and my daily life to my family and to myself later on. The blog while it has served as a creative outlet for who I am, it also holds time and memories that may be forgotten. Yes, it may have been the boring Sam's Club trip but it's the conversations and pictures and snippets of my life that I want to capture for later on. Even our real trips/vacations - I try to capture details about places, things, food so that we can relive it again and savor. Yes, time is this steady beating drum, but when you look back and try to grasp at those moments and memories that seemed so clear at the time, it can be difficult to recall with the clarity you'd like. That's why I blog.

I may not be good at it and I may not reread everything I write but once (if even), I don't proofread and I don't go back to edit, except that time I mixed up b and p up in reference to a crab sandwich. But in all honesty, I am not upset if it reads rough to others - the pictures and the words are real time captures of where I am in life for my children, myself, and my husband. By all means, I have no problem with other people peeking into our life and hope that they gain a little insight on the hot mess that we are.

So, with that - on to 2019. Did I also mention this is the 699th blog post I have written. I'll admit I could have timed that a bit better - but after 10 years, 7 houses/moves, 1 husband, 2.5 kids, 3ish cats, and thousands of words, I'll take what I can get. Heck, I'd love to write a book one day but I don't know what about or when I'll even find the time to gather up these words into a coherent piece of work that others will want to read - but it sure would be fun.

Okay, anyway, back to 2019.
Here's what's happened to us since Christmas.
The thing I've been dreading for about 7 months - we moved the kids into the same room. I've had so much anxiety - how will this work, how will they sleep, how we will sleep?
We put Grady's crib in and are still working out the logistics of the night routine but it is what it is while we muddle through to the answer.

We also have been working on the baby clothes for the next baby and sorting and prepping for that, removing all the Christmas things from the house - E was upset about the tree.
EER: The tree is gone.
ALR: Honey, Christmas is over. Mom took it down.
EER: I don't see it anymore.
The next day.
EER: Mom, I don't see the tree anymore.
ALR: I know, I took it down, we will have another tree next year, at Christmas time. 
EER: It's gone!
The next day.
EER to MJR: Dad, the tree is gone. 

Mom came and helped with the clothes and Dad came and helped with the ceiling - which E says is "broken" - she's not wrong. The new dishwasher was installed, we'll see if that fixes the top end, what any other damage is, and then fix the sheetrock after we know the leaking is done.  We also decided since the room was cleared and the dust/crap is everywhere, we may as well take the wall paper down. I still hate wallpaper and I'm better at it than others. Nothing better than 7.5 months pregnant standing on a ladder chipping away at rose wallpaper.

And when you think you've seen it all - may this bring a smile to your face. Yes, this is after a sip of chocolate milk (diluted with whole milk) and yes, that is a Chewbaca backpack.

Old Questions, Old Year.

I'm so over 2018 - Done. Over. No More. And the closer we've gotten to 2019 - the more over 18 I am. Between work stuff, the truck crash, the dishwasher/ceiling issue, the fallen tree, the broken ornaments... and heaven only knows all the other stuff I don't want/didn't plan for, Good riddance 2018. Yes, there was some amazing in there. The last baby coming, the trip to England.. but seriously, 2018 - I'm done with you.

Two years ago I set out with some questions for the year of 2017.
I looked back on these questions and it hit me how fast things can change. And how much those questions apply to this year.

Whatif we leave Bismarck
- to be honest it's the first year that we've actually talked about it seriously and started game planning career plans and end games. We have not left the city as we love our house and Matt's doing awesome at the airport.

Whatifwe are blessed with another child.
- Last Baby is set to arrive in February. I refer to this addition as compounded chaos. Someday I have no clue if I'm coming or going. We rely on frozen food options and sometimes sleep is just a concept not a practice but we are very lucky to see this little girl come into our lives and are excited for the new addition.

Whatif we have to say goodbye to someone we love.
- this year we did. And I'm not okay with it. Grief is a messy process of stages with advancement and regression. Some days I come to terms with it and others it catches my heart with a cold hand and squeezes the breath out of my lungs. I've not come to peace with it... I'm just aiming for 2019 to be the year I can breath with the loss. Here's to people that you continue to hear in your head.

Whatif we get a different car.
- funny, notfunny? We are driving a different car, but not by choice. After the accident with the pick up we have been using Mommy's car and Daddy's Rental to get around. We have no plans to change out our vehicle. We hope to see the pickup right away in 2019 back in our garage.

Whatif we get to go on a wonderful tip - where will it be?
- The trip of a lifetime would be May's trip to England. We talk about what we saw, what we experienced, and would do it all over again in a heartbeat. My only change would be to stay a few days longer - it was so short and we tried to pack so much in. From now on, our only planned trips are to Sam's Club.

Whatif the Cubs win another World Series?
- They didn't. The Sioux haven't won since the Cubs did either.

Whatif Matt lets me get another Cat?
- I don't want one. One Lola (especially at 3 am) is enough. She's really gone from the top of the heap to the bottom of the barrel since the kids came. She takes it in stride and entertains herself in the summer with the heaps of voles and mice she kills and drops on the deck.

Whatif we finally have a family party/picnic at our house?
- We had the Moser Christmas this year at our house and we also had E's and G's birthday parties and G's baptism. We wanted to do a housewarming party but gave that up a year or two ago. Who are we kidding, we can barely plan an organized cleaning of our house let along a full family affair.

Maybe the questions will be for the end of the year?
-How's work going? Where are we working? What is Eleanor into now? What is Grady saying? What is the new baby's name? How do the siblings get along? How has our family changed? What are we celebrating? What are we sorrowing on? Where have we been? What does 3 kids actually look like? Is Matt going for his masters? What hobby is Matt driving Amanda crazy with? Is Amanda actually sleeping through the night?

It's so hard to predict the passing of time, especially over a 365 day swing. We can plan for some things like the physical growing of our children but we can't plan for how they grow or how they will respond. We can't plan for the emotional response and impact. We know the ticking of time will lead to changes - bright spots and dark, scary shadows but what they specifically are and when they will specifically happen - one can never be sure and it's impossible to fully prepare for that.

First images of the kids in 2018.... so many seconds and breaths ago.

 Happy New Year... to you and yours.

Moo, Bye, Spider, Potty, Roll

With the winddown of the holidays, I figure I should give an Eleanor update...
1. Animal identification
While it was a sad day for me when I realized that she quit doing "what a frog says" she's moved on to other animals... She's still got the crab down and the cow is her standby favorite she's added sheep, wolf, and monkey to the list. You can also ask her what a skunk and a raccoon say... they may not be accurate but it's entertaining in the least.

2. Bye (with wave)
I have three bags that I regularly take to work: my purse, the diaper bag, and a black and white catch all bag. It usually has my lunch, pump parts, spare bottles, and anything else that needs to go to work that day. Eleanor's new thing is to hoist this bag onto her shoulder, give a wave and a "bye" and start heading down the stairs with it. The other day, she grabbed it, said bye, to which I "bye'd" her back, she walked over to give me a good bye kiss, and then headed down the stairs... it was 6:30 at night. Ha!

3. Itsy Bitsy Spider
With these animal cards, we are working on identification because EVER.Y.THING. is "whatthis" so when the spider card came up, I started singing... now she does the cutest rendition of the song. She doesn't all do it in one go but it's getting there.

4. Potty Time
We have the equipment (chair, stool, books) and she's interested in sitting on the putty but so far out of the thousands of minutes that we sit on the potty and think about life and read Vegetables in Underwear and Big Girls Wear Panties, we've only peed once. It's great she wants to sit there and since she sits there, we sit there. I've never sat on the floor of the bathroom for so long and been sober. We'll get there but I have a feeling it's not any time next week.

Grady...

1. Rolling over.
This in my mind is the first biggest development that starts pushing babies into the mobile zone. I know I was all excited for Eleanor to roll over until she did. Now with Grady rolling over, I'm not sure how I feel about my littlest baby growing up.

ALR: Eleanor, should we go play in the living room?
EER: nah-uh
ALR: Do you want to go upstairs for your bath?
EER: nah-uh
ALR: Do you just want to go to bed?
EER: nah-uh
MJR: Do you know what "nah-uh" means?
EER: nah-uh

The one for the End of the Year.

Another year is coming to a close... it's been a busy year for us... I look at how Eleanor has grown, I look at how our family has grown,

There were some questions I asked myself last year in my New Year post...I forced myself to go back to those questions...

Whatif we leave Bismarck? 
We haven't... we are both enjoying our jobs and are settling into our house.

Whatif we are blessed with another child?
Truth be known, I knew the answer to this question when I asked it as I found out the previous week that I was pregnant. Grady has been a beautiful addition to our house and when I looked at the stockings on the mantel this past Christmas season it continued to hit me that I have a family of four. He's my sweet gentle soul that compliments my hurricane sassafras!

Whatif we have to say goodbye to someone we love?
We have been blessed that we haven't had any funerals or tragic goodbyes this past year.

Whatif we still have Eric living in our basement?
Eric moved out in January after finding an apartment in the middle of town.

Whatif we get a different car?
We did get a different car.. with having another baby we knew there was no way we could fit 2 car seats in the Mazda... that forced us to get a Tahoe.

Whatif we get to go on a wonderful trip - where will it be? Texas? Kansas City? California? Boston?
Trips... ha... Matt and I dream about our old lifestyle but we took 2 trips as a family... 1. to Sioux Falls/Dutch Country, Iowa and 2. Grand Forks.

Whatif the Cubs win another World Series?
Sadly... they did not.

Whatif Matt lets me get another cat?
No additional pets added to the mix... some days even Lola is too much!

Whatif we finally have a family party/picnic at our house?
We couldn't even get our crap together to have a party at our house.

Maybe I have questions for the coming year... sometimes it's even hard to imagine the possibilities of what could happen so I don't even know what questions to wonder on. 2017 seemed to be a hard year for a lot of people, but for us it was a beautiful year filled with Eleanor laughters and the beginnings of Grady smiles. Time is a tricky business... it never seems to happen at the pace you'd like it to... too fast, too slow... I think I'm okay with the ticking away of the seconds, minutes, and hours. But what I'd like to hold on a bit tighter to is the memories and moments. I want to remember the feelings and soak them up, already Baby Eleanor feels a million years ago and I just want to remember those moments a little clearer.

I think 2018 is going to be a blur. Eleanor will continue to talk, Grady will learn to walk...and Matt and I will just try to keep up.

The one with the Christmas Card

Happy Holidays from the Remynse Family!

I'll admit it's awful weird thinking that just two years and two Christmas cards ago it was just Matt and I and now there's the four of us! We are busy and blessed and each day I marvel at my little family.

Here's a recap of where we are at for the 2017 year...

Matt
He's been very busy at work. He's been involved with the runway project and the late nights that come with it, he was involved in the legislative session this past year being the Airport Assoc of ND's president, he did so many trainings I lost track of who and what and how many, and also been a part of the plannings that have been ongoing. He also helped with Trump flying in. He's still loving it at BIS and we've never regretted the move.

Outside of work, he's been working on his hobbies when time permits. He got a few rounds of golf in this year including a new course at Washburn. He's really worked on his short game this year, in the backyard, with his favorite girl. They'd go out the two of them most nights this summer and chip around... sometimes she'd chip with him, sometimes she'd caddy, and sometimes she didn't care two hoots. In regards to his other past times, he was forced to cut back on his hunting this year but did manage to get out pheasant hunting and goosing; and he spent a lot of time pruning his yard in an attempt to get it where he'd like.

His highlights of the year (outside of the family) were going to Grand Forks for the regional conference and winning the golfing tournament. He also enjoyed his time home during deer season.

Eleanor

Out spirited redhead (who is becoming a strawberry blond) had a busy year... she went from crawling to cruising to walking to running. She's beginning to talk and her words like Baby, Apple, Hi, and Moo are very distinct. She's had some changes at daycare this year including a new building and two room changes. She's now in the toddler room, which has been the biggest change. In her old room, she was really a mother hen... putting blankets on the babies, patting backs, and checking diapers. She's as equally "helpful" at home. Matt and I are constantly rechecking the blanket she insists on putting on Grady, so it doesn't cover his face.

Her highlights of this year, if she could answer, may be swimming in the pool with Dad in Fargo during mom's work or wandering around the butterfly house in Sioux Falls or carving a pumpkin with Dad for Halloween.

Grady
He's really our sweet smiley boy. He doesn't get too worked up and is quick to give you a grin. It's amazing how different he and his hurricane sister are. He's currently coming to work with me on a daily basis and will for sure until the new year. This year was spent waiting for him longer than he's enjoyed it but he is a beautiful piece of our lives. I'll admit I'm loving his cuddles and am anxiously waiting to see what type of person he's going to become.

His highlight of the year would probably be being born!

Amanda
To recap my year, I was blessed to be pregnant for the second year in a row - I'll admit I may not be the happiest pregnant woman but the end result is worth it. I am still at Commerce and enjoying it as I've settled into somewhat of a routine - it's a great environment with an emphasis on work-life balance, the fact that both of my kids have spent significant time there with me says something. I've also spent quite a bit of time working on the house this year...no major projects besides sorting and organizing. I feel like I was always swapping out clothes, replenishing diapers, organizing toys, moving rooms, and so on. I guess I'm working on finding my new norm.

My highlights (aside from the obvious) would be the trip to Sioux Falls/Dutch Country and being recognized by the Governor and his staff for my work with the Workforce and HR Conference. I also was so happy to see photos of the kids go up on the wall... that's been a project I've been working on and playing with all year. For those that know me know how much I value our kid's photo sessions and love having them on my wall so to see that "finalize" out makes me smile.

Lola
We lost count of how many mice, voles, birds, and dragonflies Lola caught and brought back to the house as presents. We also have to go find all the collars that she managed to lose too.

We have a beautiful life in so many ways... 2 children, 1 happy home, 2 great jobs, and too much love to count. From our home to yours...may you have blessings that fill your head and heart.

The Remynses

The one with 600 posts

It's official... this is the 600th post.

I honestly have never thought I'd write this post... not because it's a unique number... but 600 posts is a lot of words, a lot of times. Whenever I get to these posts I always think back to where I've started. There's been so many changes since those days... different addresses, different partners, different pets, different towns, different places and experiences, and different titles. I've gone from single to married to mother.

Aside from these relationships, the other big change in the past 100 blogs has saying good bye to TonyDanza. He was there for so many blogs and so many moments and even today it feels somber to think of his footsteps across my lap, under the covers, and in the kitchen... on two legs against the counter or in the refrigerator. So in his memory, I dedicate this post to him..  may everyone have something similar to my tubby little orange tabby who hide under the bed, didn't fight a bath, played fetch, ruined supper by eating it before me, drank milk out of glass, and was there to be a silent steadfast companion.

The one with Len's First Year

Reflection (re fl eck shun)

I always get nostalgic around the end of the year... I think you are supposed to. I think of where I was last year and the events that have happened over the year. I think of the changes, the significant events that have shaped the year both personally and from a worldly view.

This was the year of Eleanor. From start to finish my life was completely engulfed in the existence of this sassy little redhead. From the pregnancy, to her birth, to adjusting to her growing... it's been an amazing year that has changed my life as well as my outlook on the world. The funny part is it has been a fantastic blur. I have been trying to think of moments that have defined her growth and they are a reel sliding past me from the moment she popped over the blue screen to the moment we rocked last night before she rubbed her eyes and fell asleep. I keep trying to savor her first year while balancing my lack of sleep and muddling through knowing if we are making the making the best parental decision.

Being a parent has also made me concerned about the activities of the world. The D APL pipeline protest has sickened me with what has been allowed by those who feel justified without reasoning while the law enforcement have been painted as the villains. The world has been presented a slanted message that ignores logic but instead listens to the screaming babble that is being spouted by paid protestors and biased media. I am glad that we don't have to have these hard talks with Eleanor to explain to her what is happening or explain why her daycare is on lockdown.

The other topic that I am glad that I didn't have to take on to explain or justify is the election...Clinton versus Trump. Seeing a woman run for president was a momentous event that I've been waiting to see but that didn't make my vote easy. I had problems with both candidates and their polarizing view points. I understand the shake up that America wants to see, which was similar on our state level. Our newly appointed governor is not familiar with the political arena like those he ran against. I'm curious to see what these changes will do to my world and impact my daughter's future.

Finally as I sit and watch the snow build and pile in the yard, I wonder about the coming year and what's coming for my little family. What will we look like? How will we function? Where will we go? I always like to play the whatif game in my head:
Whatif we leave Bismarck?
Whatif we are blessed with another child?
Whatif we have to say goodbye to someone we love?
Whatif we still have Eric living in our basement?
Whatif we get a different car?
Whatif we get to go on a wonderful trip - where will it be? Texas? Kansas City? California? Boston?
Whatif the Cubs win another World Series?
Whatif Matt lets me get another cat?
Whatif we finally have a family party/picnic at our house?
The happy whatifs make me smile and dream, the sad whatifs chill my heart... I don't want to think about tragedy, illness, fire, hurt, pain, grief... but those are whatifs that also play against the sunshine and rainbows that we prefer.
The only thing I know is that things won't stay the same there will be change. Eleanor will take her first steps and say her first words, Matt and I will plan more trips (taking them is another deal), the garden will grown, Matt may finally get to his landscaping project, I will find a project to focus on in the house,

May this peaceful time of the year also give you time to reflect on your world... Happy New Year from my beautiful family to yours.