Two years ago I set out with some questions for the year of 2017.
I looked back on these questions and it hit me how fast things can change. And how much those questions apply to this year.
Whatif we leave Bismarck
- to be honest it's the first year that we've actually talked about it seriously and started game planning career plans and end games. We have not left the city as we love our house and Matt's doing awesome at the airport.
Whatifwe are blessed with another child.
- Last Baby is set to arrive in February. I refer to this addition as compounded chaos. Someday I have no clue if I'm coming or going. We rely on frozen food options and sometimes sleep is just a concept not a practice but we are very lucky to see this little girl come into our lives and are excited for the new addition.
Whatif we have to say goodbye to someone we love.
- this year we did. And I'm not okay with it. Grief is a messy process of stages with advancement and regression. Some days I come to terms with it and others it catches my heart with a cold hand and squeezes the breath out of my lungs. I've not come to peace with it... I'm just aiming for 2019 to be the year I can breath with the loss. Here's to people that you continue to hear in your head.
Whatif we get a different car.
- funny, notfunny? We are driving a different car, but not by choice. After the accident with the pick up we have been using Mommy's car and Daddy's Rental to get around. We have no plans to change out our vehicle. We hope to see the pickup right away in 2019 back in our garage.
Whatif we get to go on a wonderful tip - where will it be?
- The trip of a lifetime would be May's trip to England. We talk about what we saw, what we experienced, and would do it all over again in a heartbeat. My only change would be to stay a few days longer - it was so short and we tried to pack so much in. From now on, our only planned trips are to Sam's Club.
Whatif the Cubs win another World Series?
- They didn't. The Sioux haven't won since the Cubs did either.
Whatif Matt lets me get another Cat?
- I don't want one. One Lola (especially at 3 am) is enough. She's really gone from the top of the heap to the bottom of the barrel since the kids came. She takes it in stride and entertains herself in the summer with the heaps of voles and mice she kills and drops on the deck.
Whatif we finally have a family party/picnic at our house?
- We had the Moser Christmas this year at our house and we also had E's and G's birthday parties and G's baptism. We wanted to do a housewarming party but gave that up a year or two ago. Who are we kidding, we can barely plan an organized cleaning of our house let along a full family affair.
Maybe the questions will be for the end of the year?
-How's work going? Where are we working? What is Eleanor into now? What is Grady saying? What is the new baby's name? How do the siblings get along? How has our family changed? What are we celebrating? What are we sorrowing on? Where have we been? What does 3 kids actually look like? Is Matt going for his masters? What hobby is Matt driving Amanda crazy with? Is Amanda actually sleeping through the night?
It's so hard to predict the passing of time, especially over a 365 day swing. We can plan for some things like the physical growing of our children but we can't plan for how they grow or how they will respond. We can't plan for the emotional response and impact. We know the ticking of time will lead to changes - bright spots and dark, scary shadows but what they specifically are and when they will specifically happen - one can never be sure and it's impossible to fully prepare for that.
First images of the kids in 2018.... so many seconds and breaths ago.
Happy New Year... to you and yours.
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