As I drove home from Wes and Kristi's house, Matt and the littles and I looked at the Capitol. There the numbers were bright as day, 2 - 0 - 2 - 1. Staring at us. I looked over and said, Happy New Year. He laughed and said, don't you think it's going to be more of the same? I keep playing that question over in my mind because 2020 taught me one thing - things can change fast and sudden. Last year, January and February were consistent - predictable and plannable. We went places, we had weekends of activities, I had a hard time keeping track of the moving parts. Ainsley had a birthday party. March changed everything. I know this isn't a weird and rare story - this looks the same for many people. Suddenly worlds were turned upside down and the non-routine became the routine. Weekends opened up. People introverted in because necessity. Now take this situation where there is no norm and add the social issues that suddenly boiled beyond control and then let's turn up the heat on an election where it the absolute worst in people were brought out. There was no moderation - there was only extreme opinions and polarization. No one could have predicted the actions that resulted in 2020.
2010 Me:
At the end of last year, I asked myself some questions.... let's see where they landed and did I even ask the right ones.
Is Amanda actually sleeping through the night?
No - there are some nights were things are great. There are good stretches but Ainsley may be the worst sleeper we have and just when she's good, G wakes up crying or asking for a hug or a drink. E is the best sleeper. It's rare to see her past 10 PM and before 7 AM. I will say the best and worst fights happen between Matt and I occur between 2 AM and 6:15 AM!
What trips have we taken/where have we gone?
In the year of our first pandemic, that's laughable. Don't get me wrong, Matt and I have had a few travels - and we didn't really expect many with the kids being so little but I think we had some mental day trips worked through in our minds. Matt and I went to Minneapolis together for his accreditation, also to Vegas for a Kevie and Shannon getaway weekend and then we had a Fargo trip. The kids haven't really gone any where aside from Grandmas' houses.
What is Eleanor doing?
The girl is crafting, cutting, gluing, drawing. She likes skirts and stories. She's learning and soaking it all in. She loves dressing up in play clothes, watching Disney movies, and having adventures. The girl has a memory and is as loyal as her father. She may be slow to warm up or leery to open to quickly but once you break down a wall or she opens the door to her heart - there's no turning back. The highs are high with this one but the feels are real.
What is Grady doing?
He is all boy. He's handsome and tumblesome and he's got a belly laugh that goes deep into your own gut. He smells and is dirty and he's quick to hug, kiss, and tell you that he loves you. Napping with him is my favorite weekend activity. He's very into trucks, tractors, construction and excavators. He's the best car rider and takes it all in as he can. Both he and Eleanor are into the helping stage - they fight who can do it and how they can help and are already in a hurry to grow up.
Is Ainsley talking yet and what is she saying?
The girl is starting to gabber. She has some words clear as day - Momma, Daddy and now she says her siblings' name with such conviction. It's one of my favorite things that she says. She has certain things that we know what they are - book and water - those aren't totally clear like baby, puppy, quack quack, night night. She also came out with Elsa the other day, which is probably totally the credit of her sister. She knows her mind, that girl, and will start asking for her turn or no, no - it makes me proud that she knows her mind but also scares the crap out of me as that girl and I will go round!
Are we in Bismarck?
Yes.
What are we celebrating?
Hmmm... right now both having our health, our jobs, and our families. Things haven't been easy this past year and there's been a lot of tough conversations. I had to plan a 4 year old drive by birthday party. That's not something that I would have ever dreamed it was one of the hardest things I've done and my daughter loved it. She talked about it for the rest of the year. We are getting close to paying off some debt that's been looming above us. I got a bonus and will be doing some house updates. We are celebrating Matt's accreditation because that was definitely a high point for our year.
Is Grady potty trained?
We are practically there. We are wearing undies - and he and I are both proud of that fact. We have had a few accidents but we may have turned around a corner and making progress. He likes the independence and I like not changing poopy diapers. We had to go all the way up to size 7 diapers and I had near about given up hope. Ains is also in pull ups - they are teeny tiny, special ordered but I think it may be a light at the end of the tunnel.
What is Eleanor drawing?
E is in a montessori school and they make journals and I love them. The pictures are great and she tells a story - mama octopus in her baby, a rainbow snow thrower, bats, waterfalls. I love watching her mind bloom.
Have we painted some walls in the house?
Well - kinda. We got a full room done. And then a couple walls and a spot or two. We aren't close but we also got the front door painted to match the shingles that went up while I was working from home. By the way, the kids fell in love with the idea of roofers and watching them work - almost mystified by them.
What are we sorrowing on?
It's been about one year since I've been close to my Grandma Dar. We said goodbye to my grandfather before he was checked into a nursing home. We saw my Grandma Elaine a few times but enough to see a change in her as well. Old age isn't for the faint of heart and it's incredibly hard to watch those that seemed so mighty, that shaped the path you are on fall. We are sad that we've missed some big family memories but have stood by the solitude in the short run for the best for all - not exactly popular in North Dakota. The virus has changed our whole world, almost overnight. Through the majority of the year, I've watched the numbers on a daily basis. First, it was the positive cases, and then it was the positivity percentile, and then it was the deaths, and now it's the hospitalization. That's been the judge to me where our state is. I'm sorrowing on the divide that has happened to the nation due to the polarization that has occurred - Biden/Trump, Mask/Non, Vac/NonVac, BLM/"People" lives matter, pro-police/defund. There seems to be no middle ground and it seems that if you don't agree with someone all the way, you are against them. It's a scary time to define your opinion right now let alone raise children.
When were we most busy?
HA! This is funny. When I was most busy this year is also when we were most locked down. I was pulling 10 hour days during the onset of the pandemic. I actually developed a twitch in my eye but yet now as I look back it feels different. The days were long and went quick and I sat working from my kitchen table. The kids became used to the two screens propped up on Fancy Nancy books. One day I took something down or put something away and they seemed confused. Things did settle down after that. I made sure of it. Daycare struggled with the regulations and restrictions and shut down for Fridays. The airport world shattered in a quick and fast gutted way. I look back and it's foggy in my mind. It was easy to focus on small things - toilet paper, food, diapers, wipes, hanitzer - what E calls hand sanitizer, coin shortage... things that seemed to swap the country. We were busy but we were stalled out. It is a weird feeling looking back.
What advice do I have for the coming year?
Sway. It's the first thing that comes to mind. It's not the same as flexible - they are similar. Be willing to bend or adjust but realize that there are outside forces that are shifting you and that some give is required. It doesn't always need to be proactive and reactive is okay but it also implies a calmness. That's what I need. A calming reaction to a year of chaos.
What do I wish we would have done differently?
It's hard to say - there are times when I wish I would have worded things different. I wish I wouldn't disappoint people. I wish I wouldn't crawl up inside my own head. I wish I could be softer. There are times when my personality doesn't seem to allow these things. I wish we could have done more things - parks with the kids, touch a truck, fairs or outings or even the trampoline park. But I don't regret not going. We managed to make it through 2020 without contracting COVID19 and managed to know very few people who lost their lives from it. We are incredibly lucky. I don't know what this virus will do to people in the future and what the future means with this virus. I hope the vaccine comes surely and swiftly.
So many questions and the answers here got thick and deep, quick - but that's how 2020 rolled. Thick and deep and impactful. I had high hopes for the year but instead this year changed the course of history and now 2021 is a "rebuilding" year.
My questions for 2021. What are we doing - the 5 of us? What is the virus doing? I am hopeful there can be some political building/compromise of our nation - is this happening, what is the state of our nation and society? How are the older doing in school settings? How is Ains growing? What was our deepest hit? What was our proudest accomplishment for the year?
To my beautiful children - thank you for the ride of this past year. You continued on not understanding the landmines that we treaded on a daily basis - we talked about the bad germs and giving people their space. Whenever you could, we wrapped our arms around each other and held on. You for your reasons but you may not have noticed that I held on too - for my own life. You made me realize more than ever how important it is for you to see the world as this great big place - where all voices and sorts need to work together. It is my goal to show you that... I admit I don't know how - I'm working on it. Ask me in 10 years how I did.
Here were the first memories/pictures I have from 2020.
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