Reflection (re fl eck shun)

I always get nostalgic around the end of the year... I think you are supposed to. I think of where I was last year and the events that have happened over the year. I think of the changes, the significant events that have shaped the year both personally and from a worldly view.

This was the year of Eleanor. From start to finish my life was completely engulfed in the existence of this sassy little redhead. From the pregnancy, to her birth, to adjusting to her growing... it's been an amazing year that has changed my life as well as my outlook on the world. The funny part is it has been a fantastic blur. I have been trying to think of moments that have defined her growth and they are a reel sliding past me from the moment she popped over the blue screen to the moment we rocked last night before she rubbed her eyes and fell asleep. I keep trying to savor her first year while balancing my lack of sleep and muddling through knowing if we are making the making the best parental decision.

Being a parent has also made me concerned about the activities of the world. The D APL pipeline protest has sickened me with what has been allowed by those who feel justified without reasoning while the law enforcement have been painted as the villains. The world has been presented a slanted message that ignores logic but instead listens to the screaming babble that is being spouted by paid protestors and biased media. I am glad that we don't have to have these hard talks with Eleanor to explain to her what is happening or explain why her daycare is on lockdown.

The other topic that I am glad that I didn't have to take on to explain or justify is the election...Clinton versus Trump. Seeing a woman run for president was a momentous event that I've been waiting to see but that didn't make my vote easy. I had problems with both candidates and their polarizing view points. I understand the shake up that America wants to see, which was similar on our state level. Our newly appointed governor is not familiar with the political arena like those he ran against. I'm curious to see what these changes will do to my world and impact my daughter's future.

Finally as I sit and watch the snow build and pile in the yard, I wonder about the coming year and what's coming for my little family. What will we look like? How will we function? Where will we go? I always like to play the whatif game in my head:
Whatif we leave Bismarck?
Whatif we are blessed with another child?
Whatif we have to say goodbye to someone we love?
Whatif we still have Eric living in our basement?
Whatif we get a different car?
Whatif we get to go on a wonderful trip - where will it be? Texas? Kansas City? California? Boston?
Whatif the Cubs win another World Series?
Whatif Matt lets me get another cat?
Whatif we finally have a family party/picnic at our house?
The happy whatifs make me smile and dream, the sad whatifs chill my heart... I don't want to think about tragedy, illness, fire, hurt, pain, grief... but those are whatifs that also play against the sunshine and rainbows that we prefer.
The only thing I know is that things won't stay the same there will be change. Eleanor will take her first steps and say her first words, Matt and I will plan more trips (taking them is another deal), the garden will grown, Matt may finally get to his landscaping project, I will find a project to focus on in the house,

May this peaceful time of the year also give you time to reflect on your world... Happy New Year from my beautiful family to yours.