I’m taking a wedding break(and I really only have a couple wedding posts left)….I know I didn’t take one for Matt’s birthday, but he did not seem interested in being a guest writer of his thoughts and reflections.
I’ve started this blog a little early. I figured I needed the time to think to capture my writing. But in all honesty, I started this blog 30 years ago. I’ve not afraid of getting old. I have other things I’m scared of…snakes, failure, frogs, brokenness, losing loved ones, and sometimes the unknown but getting old isn’t in that group. My 29th year has been a wild one spent with the love of my life in an attempt to plan our future but in this past year the idea of 30 has made me a bit jittery. There have been birthdays that have made my stomach roll with the expectations I’ve had for myself at that given age but I’m not sure I’m feeling that for my 30th birthday. Yes, if you were to ask me at 20, 21, 25, or 27 where I was going to be at for 30, I had a pretty set idea, but as I get here, I don’t feel that pressure. I have a beautiful house that is a work in progress, a marriage that I’m starting, a job that I feel comfortable in, friends that continue to bless me, and a extensive family that supports me and all these things in my life. Seriously, I might have well have had a white picket fence, a car in the garage, and a chicken in my pot, which is beautiful as it was a wedding gift(the pot not the chicken)!
I’ve decided to take a note from a wise woman that I’ve admired in the past and write my 30 things I know at 30.
1. It’s amazing how the choices that we make continue to impact our lives. I see it every day at work, but feel it even more in life that these choices that we don’t realize that we are setting into our life’s roadmap will impact us for years to come. It makes me nervous as I hope I’m giving them enough thought and input for the years to come.
2. Three simple words, “I love you.” can have more impact than anyone realizes. I’ve called my mother crying (in a hay baler, in a crappy mowed field, in the middle of nowhere) with cuts on my hands and frustration coursing through my body and those words can always put me into perspective. (Note to my husband: When I call and beg you to “tell me something good” these words are what I’m looking for, don’t tell me about the airlines being on time)
3. The power of music is unexplainable. In certain situations, the right song can impact your life in so many ways. Whether it’s cruising down a gravel road, blasting it, with the windows down and the dust cloud behind you getting bigger or a dark day in bed with the shades drawn and the tone somber…sometimes all you need is the right song.
4. Family is an amazing and chaotic and crazy and absolutely wonderful. Through phases of my life they have been there to support me, check in on me, and just show me that they love me. Now, I have a bigger family, as I consider Matt’s as mine as well and they’ve made me feel incredibly welcome. Whether it’s a trip to California or a weekend in Lansford, they make me feel so welcome.
5. Putting money away is highly recommended but sometimes not always easy. It’s amazing when you don’t have to use your savings but it’s a nice safety net and it SUCKS to be broke.
6. I appreciate my mother more now in my 20+ years than I did growing up when ironically she did more for me and I required her for all forms of survival. She presented me with words of wisdom, life’s instructions, and basic manners that have served me in many situations and have given my grace and wisdom even when I didn’t think I’d need it.
7. A meal cooked by someone else manages to taste better than if you cooked it yourself. And a meal cooked by someone else with someone else doing the dishes is even better. And lately, I’ve also found that meals cooked with items given to us for our wedding are pretty dang good too.
8. As you get older you become more aware of the world around you. You care where your food and vegetables come from. You watch the news. You watch world events unfold.
9. Traditions set the tone for so many memories. This doesn’t mean that you have to do the same thing for 50 years in a row just because your grandparent’s grandparents did it, but it means celebrating your past and where you’ve come from. There are two traditions that I’ve created with my family that I look forward to every year. Fondue at the Ranch for Christmas and Surf and Turf with Matt for Valentine’s Day. These traditions aren’t old in a sense where they’ve been going on for 15 years, but they are created with reason and meaning behind them.
10. Eventually you give into fashion trends and go for personal style, and when you are lucky, the trends follow your style. I am amazed that my picnic shoes that I love have come into what’s cool despite the fact they were nerdy and on clearance when I bought them
11. Some people are morning people. Some people are not. At all.
12. More of something doesn’t always mean it’s better. There is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Too much frosting is one example…sometimes moderation is okay.
13. Baby animals are like kryptonite. Even when you know they are going to grow old and turn ugly they are always very cute when they are little.
14. Beauty is subjective. It’s amazing how beautiful a field of bunched bales looks and what a feeling of satisfaction it can bring. I’ve looked at show cows completely groomed and thought they looked absolutely beautiful and I’ve watched my future husband guide a jet onto the ramp and realized that it was a beautiful site…all of these things are not what people use to describe beauty but to me, these were moments that can only be described in that manner.
15. Books are amazing…they paint pictures and people that can live in your head like a best friend. They show you pieces of yourself, they relate to your situation, and they can reveal something new to you every time you read the same passage. I’ve reread some books over and over as I find brilliant new insight to the story and my story each time.
16. Sometimes people disappoint you. It’s sometimes intentional and sometimes not. You try to see the good in people and you continue to give them second, third, fourth chances but at some point, you need to look at see if you are really expecting too much from a person. These expectations can be verbal or not, but the doesn’t change how notfun this process is. Sometimes you just want people to prove you wrong.
17. Apologies are meant to be heard. I live with someone who doesn’t necessarily like this idea but the more I see the world and how people can be impacted the more it makes me understand that it’s okay to admit that I’m wrong, to tell someone else they were right, and to try to correct this wrongness in the simplest way I can, with genuine words.
18. It’s easier to peel a banana from the “bottom” end.
19. It’s amazing what happens when you open yourself up. No jokes, I didn’t think Matt was going to be the one I would marry for my forever. When he called to ask me out, I honestly thought…Hmmm, I have nothing to do on Friday night and I know I’ll be hungry. Going in with this open mind and low expectations was one of the best things that happened to me. Our first night was a night that I didn’t want to end.
20. A temper tantrum doesn’t fix anything…it just heightens emotion and makes things a bit messier. I’ve seen people throw dishes (that have to be picked up), smash items (that need to be replaces), thrown things (that need to be mopped up), and gotten drunk (to deal with the hanger over the next day). It’s amazing what a calm breath, a step away, a short walk, or a soft cry can do to serve as the relief valve on life.
21. Words are one of my favorite things and I find most people don’t appreciate and often tend to abuse. Words create a language and when tied together create these amazing memorable pieces…this is why I started putting quotes in the blog a couple years back and as I found more people put value in our words and I wanted to preserve them. I find myself working to remember how certain people said certain words in their voice and their spin. Maybe this ties back with my love of reading and appreciation for written words, but I find myself savoring the words I hear from loved one.
22. The price of gas is tough…it could always be lower and when it’s all said and done, it’s one of those items you still need to purchase and swallow the cost. I need to quit looking as the price doesn’t impact the need.
23. You tend to have the people in your life that you need. You actually will seek them out if you feel they aren’t there in the moment. Technology has made this even easier. I took a trip a few years back to actually seek myself out a bit. But the more I thought about it the more I realized I was taking time to cultivate relationships and aspects of my life that I had found a void. Sure people come and go but when you find that you need that person, it doesn’t matter the mileages or the milestones.
24. Change is inevitable. We can force it, we can fight it, but no matter what it’s going to happen. Pain is also another unavoidable. I’m not talking about someone punching you…but I’m talking about things like loneliness, misunderstanding, death, sorrow, loss….no matter who you are and who you love…you will feel these twinges.
25. Living in the city in the spring is cleaner and easier than living in the country. It seems that things dry out more and city people don’t quite grasp the severity of defrosting and mud.
26. Mail is only fun to get when you are under 21. When you get older than that you tend to get bills and credit card applications.
27. It took a long for me to realize that in order for a relationship to work, both parties had to be invested and want to be in it. I wasted so much time convincing others why I was great to be with, what I realized one day is that someone shouldn’t have to be convinced of that. If 1 person doesn’t want to be in the relationship, it’s really easier for both people to walk away. Dating and relationships has also been an interesting study for me but that’s one of the biggest lessons I learned.
28. When removing wallpaper, everyone has the best solution ever. Just ask them.
29. When traveling, pack a purse that you are comfortable with. I have bought the same purse twice because I’ve wore it out in my travels but can’t imagine going through Chicago, Cabo, or England without something like it. My only change would be it could be more manly as to when I’m overloaded and Matt has to take it, he wouldn’t feel so self conscious.
30. Love your parents. I have been blessed with an amazing set who complement each other and I’ve watched work together so much that they seem to have created their own rhythm. I also watch Matt’s parents who have an amazing connection and always ensure that their partner hears their voice…but between the two there are a few common themes: sense of family, togetherness, and communication. While Matt and I have been setting our own patterns, it is amazing to see that we both learned these valuable aspects at home.
ALR on MJR’s eve of his 30th: “Do you want to get out of bed, so I can take a look at you while you are young and suave?”
MJR: “Your time will come.”
ALR: “But not for awhile now.”
pause
ALR: “Are you worried?”
MJR: “About getting old? No, I’ve got the career, I’ve got the girl, I’ve got the house….I’ve got the things in life I wanted. I’m worried about my loss in ability to party all night and then wake up feeling like a champion swimmer.”
ALR: “Would you go back to your early 20’s again if you could?”
MJR: “No, I’d bring my ability physique and ability to party forward.”
ALR: “I’ll love you no matter if you can’t rock a hangover and you get old and saggy.”
MJR: “Maybe I shouldn’t be the only one to get out of bed so we can view things before the start to fall victim to gravity.”
