Halloween and Grandpa

  

We've been talking about this weekend for the past month in our house. Halloween. Costumes, Candy, Trick or treating. E's costume (which I've had for 2 years) was a unicorn, G was a dinosaur, and Ains was a zebra. They started the weekend off right - at Grandma's house. Eleanor and Grady spent the night there and in the morning, we came out with Ains - who has been teething and not sleeping well at night. We got dressed in Halloween costumes and trick-or-treated Grandma first before going into town and hitting or trying to hit their Aunt and Uncle. That night after nap - they also went out. The wind was terrible... gusts of 27-30mph. G wasn't impressed and wanted to go home after one house - E however was a ROCKSTAR. She was raring to go and ready to hit every house that she could. Ains was okay too - especially when her Dad carried her. It was the first time we've gone around the whole loop. Probably about 1/3 of the houses had their lights on, which was fine - E got to figuring out where and who she could go ring their bells. G was hit or miss. We had a couple rough falls including once when his pumpkin broke and once when he was so distracted by the full-sized candy bar that he missed a step and fell, busting his bag again. Each time he (or Ains) fell, the other two would come up, offer words of support and help fill the spilled candy back into his bag - made my heart warm that they were on each other's team. Ainsley's biggest issue of the night was not the wind or the cold, or that her costume was a little small (as it should be it was a 6-12 mo), it was that her father thought he would help her and hold her candy bucket. "MINE! MINE!"

  

I'm not sure what they liked more... going out trick-or-treating OR waiting for trick-or-treaters to come. E actually sat down at the door one point to watch for them to come up the walk. 

On Sunday, E and I went down with my mom and dad to see my Grandfather. His health has failed so much in the past couple of months and requires a high level of care. He will be admitted into a nursing home on Tuesday, which may be complicated by COVID and visitation restrictions. I decided to take E down for a couple reasons, she would be the calmest there and probably listen the most and may also have the greatest chance to make a memory. She was a trooper and only had to pee 452 times on the way down and back. She packed and read her own books. She was chattery as hell and did not sleep an ounce but we talked her and I. We talked about why Grandpa was sick and what it means when you become old (and sick). We talked about who he was and where he was going. And she gave him a present of a picture she'd color with a note she'd written. She got a bit scared or shy - I'm not sure which but I was proud of her when she went to leave as she wanted to be sure that she said goodbye to him. She had asked questions while we were there... why was he sleeping, what was the oxygen machine - even got after Grandpa Perry that he stepped on the air line. He was happy to see her. I'm not sure if he knew me but he commented on what a pretty girl she was. I thanked her for coming when we left, thanked her for being a good girl. It's tough to determine if I was able to help build her a memory and what that means. 

From my perspective, there are two things that have shifted in my head as I watched this man, who always seemed so sturdy in my mind. I can't remember when I last saw his arms from the elbows up. Like my father, I'd seen his shirt sleeves rolled onto his forearms but to see his biceps made me gawk. The other thing is that he was wearing his wristwatch. He has become so frail that he sleeps the majority of the day and does so in his bed. Why did he need a watch? I understand it has become a piece of him and gave him mental comfort as it may to my grandmother. This man, who has watched time march along beside him never thought he'd live to 70. A couple years ago, we celebrated his 90th birthday. The most fitting thing is that his watch, sitting on his wrist, did not reflect the actual time. As I think back, I'm not even sure if it was ticking even - but to me this may be fitting because this man is not living in this time right now. His mind slips back to harder days where he controlled his destiny versus now where he rides the waves of care and sits in peace. Old age is not for the faint of heart and it never looks like we expect it but it comes for us no matter how long we fight it off. 

Middle school girls come to the door in a random collection of questions. One can hear the mutual admiration between EER, GRR, and ARR and the gaggle. 
EER: I like your costume
Gaggle: AHhhh you are so cute!
Gaggle: Ahhhh a unicorn! I love your costume!
Gaggle (as they walk away): Did you see the tiny one?!

EER gets out of chair to go watch for more trick-or-treaters.
EER puts costume on again... for the 3 or 4th time.
EER begins to stretch - squatting down and even stretching arms.
MJR: What are you doing?
EER: Getting ready for trick or treaters to come.
ALR: Isn't that obvious Dad?
MJR: I didn't realize that this was a prestretching required activity. 

At my grandmother's house, EER finished going to the bathroom and goes to the sink.
ALR: Let's wash your hands.
EER turns on water and looks.
ALR picks up bar of soap and begins rubbing it in her hands.
EER: What is that???
ALR: It's a bar of soap. 
EER: What does it do?
ALR in her head: Obviously we are quite used to liquid soap.