Memorial Weekend, Potting, Puppy, Pencils

Memorial Weekend - the weather was standard... beautiful two days out of three with a solid soaker. Monday was probably my favorite day as we started out with swanky breakfast including breakfast sausage loaf with Prince Charles Egg Bake. Afterward, we loaded up the bikes and headed to the capitol. In Bismarck, three days of the year the Optimist Club lines the roadway with flags, we thought the kids would enjoy the view. It was a cool morning but they loved walking the loop and gliding down the paths. They liked the statues and the view and listened so well in the adventure. I'm hoping out summer is filled with more of those little excursions.

The other activities of the weekend included potting plants and then if you're Ainsley, depotting them. Eleanor has always had an interest in gardening - watching things pop from the ground or bush up so it's fun to see her light up as she's excited about the carrots poke up, or smell the basil and sage, and her interest in the flowers is exciting. Grady was excited to help too but Ainsley was no help at all as she just wanted to redig the holes and pull the plants.

Matt, Eleanor, and I all were able to get haircuts on Friday. E was excited to see Candy and have her give her some curls in her hair. She couldn't help put keep looking at the hair on the floor and how it was looking. Her and I also went out together later the afternoon to grab up a few plants and get a few groceries. She listened well, wore her mask well, and kept close as we did shopping. It's much easier taking on our and it was nice to spending time one on one.

She's been working hard in her "directions" books. She has preschool activity books that we go over the instructions and she gets to work with her brand new Elsa and Anna pencils. She does pretty well and is excited about the progress and completion. We even did some cut and paste sheets that she rocked out. It's hard to believe that she's grown so much and will even be in preschool this fall.

 

Grady has been loving playing dress up lately - he's taken to the police outfit - working on the buttons, wearing the hat - his other favorite is the firefighter. Ains has been getting along pretty well, she's in the walk to walk stage. She's starting to come down the stairs herself, she's pointing and using her words adding some regular sounds in her lexicon. We are hearing more "uh-oh" and on walks I'm pretty sure I see that pointing finger and her version of "puppy."

EER and ALR playing catch a bit.
After ALR being headhunted the third time with multiple reprimands: "No, if you are going to play with mean with me, I don't want to play."
EER walks over to MJR
EER: Dad, have some fun.
EER throws ball at him.

Melting pot boiling over and digest version

So in March, the world became familiar with the terms social distancing and COVID and flattening the curve but this past weekend we watched the Minneapolis riots. These are world altering events playing out before our eyes unrelated but weeping into each other. George Floyd's name - a black man killed by police brutality, has been echoed across the globe and he has become a signal and a symbol for change. The nation has been divided on so many things and the melting pot seems to be bubbling and boiling beyond control. People stand divided on so many issues - masks or not, riots, defunding the police, COVID19 measures, statues, it seems that we all have an opinion and have become an expert and the information just keeps coming.

I wonder what has happened to bring this social unrest. Is it a changing times, is it the surge in media, is it the consumption and availability of information, is it the birth of social media, is it a higher educative class? Or is it because I'm older, is it because as I've opened my eyes to prepare my children to become adults I am seeing more?

I'm scared for this world. I'm scared that we aren't listening. I'm scared that opinions are being made too quickly, I'm scared that questions aren't being asked. I'm scared that people are judging opinions versus the quality of character. I hugged Grady the other night as he stirred before falling asleep and not the hug that you placate someone but a hug that I will remember in my soul until the day I die. I can't protect him and his sisters from the harshness of this world. I can't protect them from judgments of others. I can try to teach them to listen, to ask questions, to look for the good, to stand for their concept of right, to look past bigots, to consider others in their language, and to sometimes shut up. That's a harsh statement I realize but there are decisions being made by others that I don't know or understand and my opinion doesn't matter. I don't need to throw matches on the fire, I need to learn from the situation and I want to teach them that.

This world is not fair. This world is not always just. There are moments of humanity and I hope that they see those and can create those for other people. I hope they see people based on their character and qualities. I hope they realize that they've come from a place of opportunity and that they've been given a path that they must continue to build up for themselves. Recently Matt and I had a conversation about what does success in parenting look like and I don't think we'll know for years - we are doing what we can know so our children can define their success and be good people.

So that rant and my musings have gone on enough. The short of the long of it, The world is changing right before our eyes, no matter what side you are on it. It's scary and overwhelming and I feel like I need to walk on eggshells for a bit.

4, Donuts, Spaghetti

It was E's 4th birthday! FOUR. 4. It's so hard to believe. She woke up that morning to the flowers that her father gave her... per tradition. He was bummed as she didn't seem as excited as she normally has. I had to explain to him that she's growing up and she's going to start showing emotion differently and that now she's taking it in. She's acknowledging that he is getting her something and just because she doesn't outwardly respond doesn't mean that she isn't interested but instead that she's soaking it in. Throughout the week she would move her flowers to look at them as she colored at the counter and talk about her flowers. Watching this shift from baby to toddler to now pre-schooler is bittersweet as she's building her character and personality but sometimes I miss my baby who wandered around with her birthday cards.


For daycare, she got to take donuts - per her choice... and of course, we made them frozen sprinkles to keep theme. For supper that night, she picked out spaghetti and we got fancy italian cakes for dessert.

She got to open a few presents from Mom and Dad on her birthday as well as got a new pair of flipflops from Grandma Di and Grandpa Perry.

The rest of the week was pretty quiet. The flowers finally came into bloom. We hammocked, we played outside more. We are ready for spring to make a full arrival and announce summer.

All during E's birthday, her sib-i-lings (as she says it) were pretty good. We are going to haftah watch Ains. She has no problems picking on people bigger than her size.

The Frozen birthday parade and virtual party

It's Mother's Day. Which is fitting. It's the day after E's fourth birthday party. Birthdays are a big deal to me. I think it's the one time to celebrate an individual - it's not about accomplishments, it's about making someone feel special and when you have two siblings who monopolize time (whether you are E, G, or Ains) birthdays aren't to be taken lightly. Now I've never planned a birthday party during a pandemic. I don't want to ever again. I know I haven't made people happy. Emotions have been high and someday I will look back on this week and not cry. But I hope, Eleanor, you know that I tried my best to do everything for you and to make you feel half as special as you really are.

Matt and I decided to cancel the traditional birthday party mid-April. We talked about possibilities - we talked about online, Matt wanted to just pretend it wasn't her birthday and then it just pop up later when things go back to normal. I pushed for the parade and then the virtual gift opening. We are very lucky to have family that want to be with her and it wasn't an easy decision and I am fully aware it wasn't a popular decision. But it was the decision that we felt was best for what we are aware of.

So there I was... making the cake, planning the banner, we talked presents, we talked about the day, we worked through so many details but I'll admit, Matt and I were both worried that it would come across lack luster and that she would feel slighted, cheated, and lonely.

Now it's been a rough couple months and this past week has been hard. I've made "ice" for the top of the cake with a heat gun, I've called fire stations, police departments, ambulances and I'll be honest, I've had more people hear me cry than I care but at the end of the day. I worked hard to try to build the event that was worthy of her. Last night I went to bed and I can honestly say, her birthday and her has been the best part of the pandemic for me.

Her parade was from 10:30 - 11:30 and when I saw the rain in the forecast my mama bear kicked in and I got worried. I just envisioned us sitting there in the garage shivering in front of an empty street. Far from. From 10:30 - 11:30 the street was busy with friends, family, community members, and daycare friends. At one point there was a lull in the traffic and she was somewhat skipping and hopping around the driveway and I could hear her singing, "I love my parade, I love my parade" and I realized that we did do enough. There were some soft momma tears to my eyes. I
 love that her friends were excited to see her, that
people wanted to wave and even drop off a few presents (actually a ton of presents - it blew my mind). I may be hard on the world sometimes but I don't know if thank-you is enough to those that took the time and effort to wish her well.

After lunch, her brother and sister went to bed and we looked created her birthday book. Friends and family sent pages wishing her well, pictures of themselves and parts of their life. We looked through each page and talked about the people that were in her life. We ended the day with a virtual gift opening. She handled it so well and took it all in. No complaints, no whining, and completely happy. We blew out the candles on her frozen cake and enjoyed a few pieces.

I'm not saying it was the normal and I'm not saying I ever want that type of party again BUT it really was a beautiful day. To me, this is what being a mama is. I know I can't shield her from the harsh world forever but right now it's my job to make her feel special. To cover the floor in balloons so that she wakes up to that and a dining room full of decorations. To make sure she knows that she is a big deal. My only regret is not being able to capture the first 10 minutes of her waking up and hearing how happy she was with everything. I hope to create that joy for the rest of my life in some way.

A letter to my oldest baby -
I love you Eleanor Eileene. With every part of my being. You are my toughest teacher, my greatest worry, one of my
biggest joys, and you make me so proud of you. Your mind works constantly. You are so quick and I love your thirst to learn. You ask questions, you listen when you are interested, your heart is so big. I see you starting to become your own person. I worry about you regularly - are you finding your people in the world, are you finding your voice, are you channeling your power? Am I helping you? Am I giving you what you need in spite of what you want? Am I forcing you to grow up quick? Am I giving you independence and the tools you need for success? I'm not sure. I watch you for signs and you are doing the same to me. Your siblings have an advantage from you as you are teaching me to be a parent - you are putting me through the paces. You are challenging me and I you - sometimes it's good and sometimes we bring out the worst in each other. Know this, my beautiful girl - I will fight for you and I hope you never question my love because it is fierce as I am and as I hope you will be for things that mean something to you. Thank you for being you. Mama.

COVID, Mudpies

It's been a hard year, I won't lie. A really hard year. I've been working 11 hour days. Current schedule - I get up when Matt does, get the kids ready for the day, see them off, shower and dress.

My favorite part of my day is my morning routine rhythm. It feels good to have something down. I heat a pan, drop a piece of toast, begin to boil the water, crack my egg, S&P a little. From there I grab the instant coffee dump a bit into my cup. Pour a teensy bit of water into the lid of my pan to steam my egg. Grab a slice of cheese from the fridge to put on on the popped toast, pour the boils into my cup - stir, add creamer and finalize with a runny egg on the cheese toast. If I'm on it all is timed perfect and runs smooth. Two things have changed since the pandemic in regards to purchasing habits. I buy/drink instant coffee - it's easier and I'm really more about the creamer - let's be real. We also buy eggs 7.5 dozen at a time. The pandemic exposed the shortage and when I actually did the math it only makes sense to buy that way. We go through a dozen easy on the weekend and that's if we don't do anything too special.

After breakfast, I have my staff teams call which lasts for an hour. I work through my lunch, I work until 5:00 - make dinner and try to be normal for the kids until they go to bed at 8:00 before I start working again until 10 ish. I have a slight eye twitch. We are having online events where 2200 people have registered. We are pumping so much stuff out. It's a whole new world. There doesn't appear to be a rhyme or reason for things and I'm just trying to keep up.

The biggest concern I have is that the kids have some sort of normalcy. There's been daycare restrictions set which has bumped E's class into groups and this has also required her to move into a different physical location - to which she refers to as the toddler room. It hasn't been a great transition there. They are still going to daycare so at least they have that - I wouldn't be able to work well if they didn't. We are making sack lunches regularly as food supplies for the daycare have been stretched. Hand sanitizer and toilet paper are still hot commodities. I was able to snag some papertowels from Sam's and thought I was living high on the hog.

Meanwhile Matt is pissy that he hasn't been to Sam's Club since February as I've been making grocery runs alone to lessen contamination. We haven't been doing any shopping - food, necessities, or retail. Right now I won't lie, stores give me such anxiety. I know we'll need to go soon to buy some potting supplies and flowers/garden plants.

This past weekend, Matt and I took part in a mass testing. We actually were hoping it was the antibody test but before we realized that it wasn't we were already in the line. We mazed through the parking lot of the event center, came in through the exhibitor entrance, and then drove through Halls  D, coming out Hall A. The kids were in shock and I believe E even elicited an "woah."

The other fun that we did was had the kids make mudpies. Matt hated it. Absolutley hated it. One of my favorite memories growing up was making them with Heather and Jaden in Heather's outdoor kitchen. I always wanted to provide that for the kids. So I asked Wes to drop off tables, I found frisbees and containers. E has been making sandcakes since we opened the sandbox up so I thought it would be a great idea. They made more mud soups - way too watery in their first batches. The end result was a lot of mud clothes and also an altercation between the bigs with a bath for the boy. Matt informed me that mud pie making must be put on hold for a bit.