Amanda's attempt at 35 things she doesn't understand. [Spoiler: there aren't 35 things here]

This year I'm 35.
Things I don't understand as an adult. I'm ripping this off from another blogger because sometimes you do that - it's a compliment - hey wish I would have thought of that first. I started this list MONTHS ago.. which is good because I needed that much time to really add to it. Ponder life and all.

1 - Queen beds for 2 people. Nope. Can't do it anymore. Don't even talk to me about a full - are we barbarians?

 - Why isn't there an official organization offering parenting classes that are mandated. Those people don't come with instructions and it's the hardest fricken job in the world and you are running on no sleep and you are supposed to make rational decisions regarding the molding of a young mind so that they become a contributing member of society versus an ax murderer with insomnia. WHAT?

- How the 60's had hippies but the 70's had disco - how did this transition happen??

- Motivational speeches. Yes, there is a time in my life when I looked for self help and motivational speeches. Now I'm old, bitter, set in my ways and would rather have a practical approach delivered to me on how to get my children to eat with silverware. Maybe a nice 30 second video or a one-linear quote. I don't have time to ponder the gives and takes of reality in fluffy settings - I NEED CONCRETE SOLUTIONS.

- Cheating. If you want out of a relationship. Get out. Respect the other person, your relationship, the time you've invested to have integrity to tell the person you are unhappy. Otherwise, what are you hoping to accomplish? What's the end game?

- Door to door sales in the millennium - how is this working for people? We've been hit up by meat sales, home security, cleaning products... In the 60's it worked because they didn't have internet but today, especially with stranger danger - who is making it by this means? How can this continue?

 - Dog draggin - why do people drag their dogs everywhere. And they want to take them in places and then the hair gets everywhere. I get dogs need to be let out and sure they may like rides but as soon as I take my cat to Lowes because she needs the exercise or doesn't like to be left alone, I'm a freak? And have you ever stared with judgement at a cat in a car. Yes, you have. #doublestandard #leaveyourdogathome

 - Not sharing your passwords with your spouse. Seriously, it's wayyyy easier to have these things because I don't want to be pestered when he's looking for something or have to call and hunt it down. I'm married because I love, trust, and respect my husband... if you can't trust your spouse with your passwords - what are you hiding or what do you feel you need to hide? I know my relationship is not the norm but I can't be alone here.

 - People who print everything.. emails, website, EVERYthing. I get it sometimes you want a hard copy but I've worked with a certain generation who can't read anything unless it's a paper copy. How do they function in this world and why are they printing so much?

 - The question.. "Is S/He a good baby?" After a night of staying up til midnight and barely getting more than 6 hours of sleep in 2 hour blocks, you really can't say what you think. I've loved all my children and they had moments where they are wonderful blissful babies with angel lips and beautiful cheeks but then there are times when I think running away could be a viable option!

- Baby outfits. Maybe I'm a terrible mom but I didn't hardly dress my last two babies in anything but sleepers for months. Why? Because it was easier... I didn't haftah deal with pants or waistbands or going over their heads... I tried to wear cute outfits with Eleanor but by G and A, I gave up. Maybe people are all about exotic outfits but I'm more about a zipper that doesn't make me think... and yes, they can wear the same sleeper 2 days in a row.

- Grief. How it can be all consuming and even the slightest things serve as the trigger - the way someone's fingers are gnarled, an oversized purse, a color. I don't know if I'll understand how grief works, how it seems to linger (like a stench), and how it can tear you down in a millisecond.


POSTING PROBLEM: This sat in drafts forever and I've decided this is a showcases of where I'm at... unable to finish a list of 35 things. It's okay - I'm not going to get down on myself, I aint got time... you can come up with your own :)

Applefest, Dancing

My last week while I was young was all about young things...

We spent Saturday at Applefest. I'd actually never been so it was fun to do something in Bismarck together that neither of us had done. It's a great little event at Buckstop. A lot to look at and see including all things apple, booths, silent auctions, bake sales, tractors, fire trucks, etc. We took in the inflatables. We couldn't get Eleanor on them at all until Dad went with... and then the giggling wouldn't stop! She wanted to do again!

We also took both of them to their first petting zoo. For the most part, Grady looked at from the outside but E was inside and seemed to like the ducks and donkey the best. Grady pet the sheep but was a little nervous about it's size. When it was time to leave the animals - E was not impressed and went into full meltdown mode.

We had some apple fries and a cider float. Watched the parade go by. And before taking off took in the junkfest. It was a beautiful day for the fun.

On Sunday, after having breakfast with the Erickson's at our house, we went to dance call as a family. For 45 minutes it was baby dance. Matt surprisingly was not opposed to doing it again - he liked it. I liked when we did movements with the kids but things that did props were hard - E just wanted to take other peoples or hoard them or didn't understand that everybody only gets 1.

Other than that, I spent the week recuperating from the conference - even took a few personal days to sort kids clothes, wash the floor, and be me. Was really nice. Gave me time to reflect and sort and I even slept in. I did have a doctor appointment - heartbeat was good - 155.


In yard working... E sleeping, G is with us.
ALR: So we'll rip these out and then move the pots.
ALR: Where did Grady go?
MJR: He was just right there.
MJR: He was playing with his golf clubs.
ALR: I don't see him!!
MJR: Oh, wait. I found him. 

MJR: He is waiting to receive a ride.

Anniversary, 35, Door, Corn, Conference, Smore

Here's a reader's digest of the past week or so.
Runway, conference, birthdays, anniversaries

Let's start with our anniversary.
I'll admit 5 years is a big deal.
We knew that we weren't going to be getting each other gifts this year because of our trip in May but with Janice's death - I just didn't feel much like celebrating. Totally not fair to Matt and our marriage. We did spend some time together at Grady's well check and we also did a family outing to the superslide park a couple days later. It was one that I had been wanting to take the kids to all summer but wanted them a little older to appreciate. The big slide was a huge hit... E could have gone up and down all day. The stairs were a bit harder for me to get up without breathing heavy... I'm at that point of the pregnancy where shortness of breath is the new norm.

Shoes
Grady's walking has gotten so good! So we put shoes on him. This resulted in concrete feet for a couple days.

We also had some home improvement.
The door.
The door that was full of surprises.
The door that started rotting last winter and letting snow into the garage.
The door that wasn't standard size.
The door that had to be replaced with a door from Minot Home Depot because all the sizes that we kept buying at Lowe's didn't work.
The door that was replaced due to Michele and Randy's willingness to help us OR their pity on us. I'm not sure which one.
The door that Eleanor LOVED to help work on.

Matt's 35th old man birthday.
He didn't want anything but I said we are setting an example for our children. So I brought home special dinner and birthday pie and we sang him happy birthday.

The corn.
Matt helped do silage. Terrible job.

The annual workforce conference.
It finally came to a close. The date finally came and the event went. I worked everyday for the past 3 weeks on this - some days 10 hours/day. It's been an incredibly

difficult summer for me at work with the transitioning leadership and ambiguity that's run a muck. I was even told that my preconference help would be non-existent. I didn't think it was going to be hard and that it would all go just fine. I didn't realize what a great team and support system I've had in the past until they were missing and that's a shame. I was glad I could contract some help to assist in specific areas the past couple months because between that and positive words and a husband that is willing to shoulder some stuff, we made it. The conference was a positive event and we received great feedback and all the blimps and bumps that I felt weren't seen by the attendees. According to evals, we had a 92% satisfactory+ rating and 95% are likely to attend again. I really enjoy the event and seeing it come together. It made the turmoil of the summer seem to disappear a bit.

AND to top it off Matt's runway project has been crazy this month with concrete and closures and getting everything reopened.

Smores.

We closed out the week stong and had dinner at my cousin's Wes and Kristi's house. They have three close in age and so we've used them as a reference in the past and I'm not sure how they do all that they do and make it work so I commend them. They had us over for a cook out and then had a fire afterward. E and G had their first smore!

EER and MJR in bathroom hoping EER will go potty.
EER and MJR talking.
GRR comes into room.
GRR sits down.
Right on the AC vent.
MJR: Grady, quit hogging all the cool air.

Janie

This week has been one of the hardest in my life.
I've been super busy at work working on the conference and I've also been pulled into another event for the Gov office on addiction and recovery - where I went to Fargo. I set up registration, went to the hotel for a nap, went back to registration worked it the entire day and then went home.

But those things weren't hard. Those things just kept me busy. The hard thing was losing Janie. She passed on Monday from a stroke that occurred Sunday night. I've had some loss before - I've said goodbye to my Grandfather and my great Grandmother who I have memories with. I've known others that have had an impact on my life in one way or another but this one was one of the worst to hit me. It wasn't her time. She was my person, I was her girl. Even though it has been a bit since she's passed it still doesn't feel right or even real. I still tear up thinking about her and I'm not sure when I won't. I miss her so much. I want to talk to her.

I have so much guilt knowing that I was to come this month and her and I were going to work out the details of her funeral. She had given me a little direction but we hadn't set anything in stone. It's like she had an inkling it's been coming. She'd been having some health issues, especially over the past month but I hadn't prepared myself for this loss.

Janie's and I's relationship grew in October of 2007, when I moved to Dickinson. She had agreed to let me stay with her while my housing situation settled. It was only supposed to be 2 or 3 weeks. Due to situations with house I was buying, it ended up being 6 weeks. Those six weeks changed my life. I've never had a person be so completely mine and about me. Don't get me wrong, my parents have loved me and my husband loves me but Janie treated me different. She would wake up every morning and we'd have breakfast (sometimes she'd prep it for me sometimes she'd just keep me company). I'd go to work and she'd go back to bed - she was not a morning person. Midday, I'd come home for lunch and we'd talk about our days and discuss what Martha Stewart was up to - which she always had on. At 5:00 - I'd come home and she'd have happy hour ready, we'd sit down and analyze what happened and she'd want to know what I was working on, who I met with, what was happening... we'd finish up dinner and take it and the three of us (including Jerry) would watch it on trays downstairs. Usually in front of a Men, Men, Men (AKA Two and a Half Men). Her and I would usually stay up later than Jerry talking or watching TV with the captions on and then we'd head off to bed for the next day. Some nights would be in the garden, some nights looking at things.. but I realized how much we were kindred souls... so much alike.

Our relationship grew over the past 10 years. She became an essence of my being and I was so proud to name Eleanor after her and I know it touched her that I did that. I find myself combing through my memory trying to think of all the things she said and all the things we did in order to preserve pieces of her. The loss of her will probably be the greatest loss that I feel outside of my parents, husband, and forbid it, my children. She wasn't an aunt - she was my person who was completely on my side who took my side no matter what and I poured out my soul often to her looking and receiving answers.

I'm sad that she will slip from Eleanor's developing memory, I wanted them to have a relationship to understand each other... to cherish each other as I do both of them. I wanted Eleanor to see the person that impacted me so that she understood the significance of the decision. I am sad she will not see this new baby. I am glad that our last conversation on the phone was of me telling her about it and hearing the excitement in her voice for us while she prepared to binge watch TV while she recovered and repaired herself from her last health bout. I am sad I wasn't able to help prepare her last moments to be what she wanted exactly. I'm sad. I'm fall down, horrid, heartbroken sad.

I went to her house to help prepare pictures for the slide show that she wanted... "Don't put pictures on a board at the funeral home... I'm not a 5th grade art project. I want a classy slide show or movie."
It was hard. Her bed was just as it was when she got up, her 9 pound purse sat by her coat in the chair, her fridge was bursting at the scene (I didn't bother to count the mustard bottles), her shoes were there beside her chair and by her closet, her water glass and napkin were right there. It's like she was there... her essence just waiting for her life to come back to it. Her crossword wasn't finished, her papers unfiled, her lists started but nothing crossed out. I was on that list... I wanted so badly to know what she had planned - to call and chat? to write?
The funeral was on the 10th. It wasn't her funeral - or to me it didn't feel that way. But it's over.
The hardest part of my day came towards the end. We pulled up to the house as Jerry had invited us over with the rest of the family and Eleanor knew. "There's Janie's house!" She knew. And when we got inside it wasn't easier.. she kept looking for Janie, asking where she was. All I kept telling her was that Janie was gone. How do you explain death to a 2 year old looking for her friend? And the answer didn't suffice her.. she'd ask again "Where's Janie?" Eleanor, if you read this when you are older it made my heart burst from love and sadness when you asked. It made me so happy that you remembered her for the impact that she had in the short span of your life and it brought me to my knees knowing that she was gone and your relationship with her would have to exist only in the past.

The last time I saw her was in June when we came back from the wedding. We stopped both ways on that trip, going down with Matt and the kids and coming back with my parents and the kids. The last time I saw her and final time I said good bye is one I won't forget. Everyone had gone outside to get in the car but Eleanor's diaper had to be changed so Mom, Janice, and Grady stayed outside while I changed E's diaper. When I came back Janice had Grady's door open and was talking to him while he was in his car seat. She looked at me and said, "he's been waving to me." Grady hadn't started waving yet so I thought she had some wishful thinking but as I looked down at Grady, she was right. He was sitting there waving good bye to her with the softest and most gentle wave.

Janice Sedivec, 80, West Fargo, ND, died September 3, 2018, at Sanford Health Medical Center in Fargo.

Janice Eileene Dagman was born in Moore Township, Ransom County, ND, on August 8, 1938.  She graduated from Enderlin High School in 1955.  She was active in 4H.

Janice married Wayne Sedivec in 1956.  She graduated from Moorhead State College. She had two sons, David in 1958 and Douglas in 1960. Following her time raising her family, her work history included library assistant and financial aid advisor at Concordia College, Director of Volunteers for the Regional Science Center MSU and Center for Parents and Children.

Her favorite times were surrounded by her friends and family.  Whether it was playing hostess or just catching up, Janice’s smile and laughter could light a room.  Her other interests included gardening, traveling, genealogy of the Fraser family, fantasy football, and continued learning and self-education.

She was preceded in death by her parents, Wesley and Mary Eva Dagman, as well as her brother, Merlyn. She is survived by her long-term partner, Jerry Lund; her sons, David, of Moorhead, MN and Douglas, of Littleton, CO; grandchildren, Ryan and Morgan, of Littleton, CO, and sister, Phyllis Himmerick, of Fargo.

A memorial service will be held on Monday, September 10, 2018, at 1:00 P.M., at Grace United Methodist Church in Moorhead.  Friends and family may gather together from 12:00 to 1:00 P.M.

Goodbye my friend - I can't describe how much I will miss you and I thank you for the impact you had, the answers you provided, and the constant time you gave me.

Owfer, John, & Alson

This past week was great. We had family pictures on Monday - which went "okay."
Well actually, let me break it down.
Matt had to go to the commission meeting which last until 5:30ish. Pics were at 6. So for those of you that don't speak fluent Remynse house... here's what that means. Amanda has to pick up, prepare food, get food into children, change clothes into presentable photographable clothing choices, prepare herself, get kids into car, get snacks that will be used as decoys and smile prompts into car without children seeing, and get into the car by 5:50. For this to all go as planned, that would be a miracle.
It didn't.
Kids maybe ate some.
Clothes were changed - except mine.
Faces were cleaned and looked presentable - except mine.
I was only 8 minutes late and didn't get a ticket speeding.
AND I remembered the props that I wanted to bring.
Overall the 25 minute photoshoot was good. No problems aside from the fact that the children don't really smile. BUT that's just where we are at in life. Someday I'm hoping we can get that little girl to commit to a smile but just not now.

The rest of the week was lowkey. Until the weekend. We decided that Pinkertons had really been rockstars and have made quite a few trips to our house this summer and that it was our turn to return the favor. So we packed our bags (all of them) and headed to the Cities. For E the drive over was rough... she did not want to miss out on anything. So there was no nap. There was also some rain on the way over to which she sang different variations of "Rain, Rain, Go Away" and the lesser known hit, "Raining on Daddy's Pickup."

 

When we got there, we checked out their beautiful home that they've been in for a month and they had prepped a birthday party for Grady - which was sweet! AND who doesn't love a royal wedding inspired lemon and elderflower 2 layer cake, I was very glad that Grady requested it and more glad that Allison was willing to humor him!

After supper, we tried a bubble bath with the kids. So much giggling and laughing. They played so well even though constant supervision of the wildness that ensued was mandatory.

Oliver: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1
EER stares at him.
EER slaps him in the face with a washcloth.

After teeth brushing, everyone headed to bed!

The next day was more playing.. playing at the park, playing in the backyard, playing in the house! Oliver and Eleanor played so well together. I think partly because he's okay with her being the boss - I'm not sure that's the best but at least they two of them have an understanding. Allison and I headed into town and did a little Momtime shopping together. We went to HomeGoods (spent a good portion of time in the children's books), Charming Charlie's, and ended at Trader Joe's - which is my new favorite foodie store.

It was hard to leave on Saturday. The kids had fun, we had fun talking with them - they are one of our best friends to visit with, compare kid and travel notes, and they were amazing hosts with great meals too.

MJR: Okay, we are back in North Dakota. Say Good-bye Minnesota!
EER: Goodbye Missesota, Goodbye Owfer, Goodbye John, Goodbye Alson. 
MJR: VERY good, Eleanor! 
EER: We go see Owfer? 
MJR: No, we just said goodbye.
EER: Goodbye Missesota.